Doctor’s Note: It’s an all Ask Dr. NerdLove week as I’m traveling for the holidays. Regular columns will be resuming on Monday.
I moved to a new city about six months ago to start a great new job and to be closer to my college buds. I had an awesome job right out of college but in an inconvenient location, which probably cost me my ex girlfriend due to long distance.
Anyways, starting anew in my new city, having been single for about a year, I was ready to find a new girlfriend that met all my qualifications (very smart, successful, and attractive obviously). It didn’t take me long to find someone who met all my standards and liked me(!!!). She’s very cute, has an awesome/prestigious job and went to the same elite school as me (we never met in college). We went on a few dates and it was clear that we were both into each other, so we started a relationship.
Now, a few months into the relationship, I’m realizing that she is very inexperienced with relationships and the bedroom. She was a bit of a late-bloomer and came into her own only recently. She may still be recovering from previous insecurities. We haven’t had sex yet even though I’ve made my desire to known. She has been coy about her sexual experience, but has said that she isn’t a virgin. I think this aspect is draining on my patience with our relationship and it is definitely leaking over into our otherwise, exceptional compatibility. Little things like suggestions on how to do things come off as condescending and annoying now.
Making things even worse, my roommates are both single and enjoying a more casual dating life with great success. That isn’t necessarily what I’m looking for (I enjoy a more intimate experience than the casual bang even though that’s what I would settle for before my recent relationship), but I am not going to lie to myself and say that sex isn’t important to me and my overall quality of life.
Did I jump in too quick?
If I eventually find that it isn’t going to work out anymore, should I pull a Paul Simon and “get off the bus, Gus, drop off the key, Lee” and get myself free? How do I do that? I’ve been in many relationships before and usually it ends mutually or I’m the one that gets broken up with.
Your advice would be much appreciated.
– Easy Z