I have a serious question for you: are you someone who plays to win, or who plays to avoid losing?
Most folks would say that, yes, they absolutely play to win. Even if they’re not the sort of min/maxing, loophole-finding, cutthroat gamesman who makes board game night a flaming hellscape, people will generally say that when they play, their goal is to make a sincere effort at winning.
However, if you look at people’s dating life, you’d be forgiven for thinking that not only are they not playing to win, they’re playing in a way that’s designed to ensure they won’t find a long-term partner. To be blunt, a lot of the ways that people approach dating actively works against them. They are, for all intents and purposes, focused on not losing. That is: they’re focused more on avoiding rejection than they are on finding a potential partner. And to be fair: this is understandable. If you don’t have a lot of social experience, you’re just starting to date or you’re finding yourself back on the market again, rejection can be scary. It feels like the worst thing that could happen to you. It’s natural to want to try to avoid it at all costs.
But the problem is that trying to avoid “losing” isn’t the same as winning; in fact, taking this outlook will actually cost you dates.
It’s time to stop handicapping your own love life. Here’s how to recognize and avoid these common dating mistakes.