Hi Dr. NerdLove,
I’m currently struggling with dating (who would have thought) and specifically with how i could meet someone that I can form a romantic connection with.
I’m a 24 Year old Dude, never been in a relationship, never been on a date, helpless as to why I’ve only ever gotten negative response, blabla, millions of words of advice on your site and others. What I think makes my case a bit weird is that I take a very long time to become attracted to someone. I need to know the person first, and then I could maybe think about romantic attraction.
So far, when looking at dating advice the main thing seems to be “be upfront and immediately communicate what you want” as well as “just be yourself, do your thing, and you will meet someone”. Both of which don’t work for me. I can’t immediately communicate, because I honestly don’t know at that point, and being myself over the last years has proven to not work. I have a lot of very sweet, very nice friends who are women that I wouldn’t want to be without, but that the lack of having a girlfriend is starting to become more of a problem for me over time.
I’ve asked women out occasionally, asked someone to dance in a club, tried online dating because the intentions are clearer when you meet through a dedicated meetup-space. Things like sports clubs and common interests or common friend groups also have not led to any success so far. (that is: success in terms of finding dates).
My question boils down to: how do I meet women to be potentially attracted to if I am slow to be attracted and unlucky in my usual social circles?
Thanks for providing so much insight, hope to hear from you,