Hello, Doc. Your audience base went worldwide. Congrats !
Now, I’ve been severely repressed by family and religion for years. Forced to see people having fun and enjoying life while I was always locked in a room studying and praying. As a result, I never learned how to read social cues, or how to talk to people outside of a professional setting.
I’m a 22 year old virgin. It’s an awful thing in on itself. Problem is, in my country the average age to get rid of your virginity is 12. Being denied any casual social contacts and venues to obtain relationships and sex wrecked me, and the knife was just driven further in college, where my ineptitude and constant pressure for academic accomplishments I ingrained into myself ruined any chance I had at having sex or friendships.
I now have a ton of issues, crippling loneliness, self harming and constant seizures where I bust out laughing and crying at the same time whenever I see happy couples enjoying each other’s company. Can’t watch music clips or any kind of videos of music festivals. The vision of people being happy, partying, enjoying their youth is too much to handle.
At times I catch myself thinking if I would be ok with being used like those 14 year olds who get in trouble for having sex with their teachers. I’d be perfectly ok with being someone’s sex toy. Better to be a toy than a dirty sopping wet rag in a dark corner.
I wish I could’ve been young. Had fun. Go to at least one orgy in college, get drunk and do something stupid, smoke a blunt or a bong. Have sex in a dorm and leave a sock in the knob. Get rid of this festering wound of virginity at the proper age.
I wish I flipped the bird at my parents and at my religion. I wish I never listened to them. If I didn’t, I’d be a human right now. I’d have lived, instead of just existing locked in a room, studying.
What do I do?
Too Little Too Late