Here’s a secret a lot of dating coaches won’t tell you: most of your dating problems are in your head. This isn’t to say that they don’t exist – it’s that most people’s sticking points tend to be the result of self-limiting beliefs. And the crazy part is that we tend to want to keep them. In fact, more often than not, people will fight harder to reaffirm their self-limiting beliefs than they will work to change things – no matter how miserable it makes them.
We get a lot of things wrong when it comes to dating. We tend to make a lot of assumptions about what our partners find attractive in others – usually based on incorrect information. We let intellectual fallacies color our conclusions, which quickly become self-limiting beliefs, and those beliefs quickly become the TRVTH as though they were carved into stone tablets from the top of Mount Fedora.
The problem is that – as I’m fond of saying – most of dating success is in your attitude. Your attitude is a self-fulfilling prophecy; if you believe you’re already rejected then you will be. The more you buy into these self-limiting beliefs, the more impossible you make it to get better. If you’ve been stuck in a dating rut – if you can’t get over that metaphorical hump1 – then it’s time to start checking your attitude. If you’ve been holding onto these self-limiting beliefs, you’re not going to progress until you learn to let them go.
- fnar [↩]