what not to do Archives - Page 2 of 7

Paging Dr. NerdLove Episode #62 – The Trouble With Aziz Ansari

January 17, 2018 by Dr. NerdLove 184 Comments

(Content Warning: Sexual Assault)

Normally I don’t do too many episodes about current events in the news; I tend to save that for the blog. But recently I had a lot to say on Twitter about the situation with Aziz Ansari and as it turns out, I’ve got more to say. The issue with Ansari has less to do with “bad dates” or litigating why someone doesn’t leave and everything to do with how we talk about sex and consent. How does someone who’s a safe ally to women, someone who’s supposed to be the guy who “gets it” still get it wrong when it comes to consent?

Want to be learn more about asking for consent? Get your free worksheet.

Show highlights:

How we get consent wrong
Why asking “why didn’t she leave” is the wrong question
How one person’s “completely consensual” encounter can be the worst night of someone’s life
Why “mixed signals” are anything but
How we create a culture were “no” means “try harder”

…and so much more.

Eve Ewing: On the Subject of Why Didn’t She Just Leave?

Can Consent Be Sexy?

When “Yes” Really Means “No”

The Standard of Enthusiastic Consent

How to Turn A No Into a Yes

Listen Here
Download Here

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Paging Dr. NerdLove Episode #47 – How To Approach Amazing Women

September 28, 2017 by Dr. NerdLove 122 Comments

Listen: here Direct Download: here

How many times have you seen somebody – maybe at a bar, maybe in class, maybe at a party – who was AMAZING. They were incredible, they were everything you could possibly want in a partner and all you want to do is go up and say “Hi” if only so that you KNOW that you gave it a shot. But then when the moment came, you froze because you had no idea what to say.

This is an incredibly common issue – something that a lot of people go through.

The good news is: you’re over thinking it.
The bad news is: you’re overthinking it.

You don’t need the perfect opening line or the “best” reason to go up and talk to someone. All you need to do is just get the conversation started. That’s it. It’s the easiest thing in the world… if you don’t make things more complicated than they have to be.

SHOW HIGHLIGHTS:

Why making the initial approach isn’t as hard as you might think
The key to starting a conversation with anyone
What not to do when making an approach
The benefits of a direct and indirect ways of starting the conversation
The secrets to an effective conversation

… and so much more.

5 Signs Women Want You To Talk To Them

The Art of Social Calibration

How To Approach Women During The Day

Approaching Women (Without Being Creepy)

5 Times You SHOULDN’T Be Approaching Women

Don’t forget to subscribe and review us on iTunes , Stitcher and on YouTube.

Like the podcast? Consider becoming a Dr. NerdLove patron at Patreon.com/DrNerdLove

Want more dating advice? Check out my books at www.www.doctornerdlove.com/books

This Is Why Women Won’t Date You

September 25, 2017 by Dr. NerdLove 389 Comments

Last Tuesday, The Federalist – a conservative news organization that seems to devote at least a third of its coverage to lamenting that women won’t sleep with them – decided to publish the hottest of hot takes: that women who refuse to give it up to conservatives are why Trump won.

And to be fair: he’s half-right. Women are, in fact, refusing to date or sleep with Trump voters. As it turns out, #MAGA is the ultimate anaphrodisiac; red hats are becoming the new “tiger pic” of Tinder. However, in getting things half right, author Jarrod Laber manages to be absurdly wrong at the same time. While others have covered the hot takes about why this is stupid, I would like to take a different angle. Laber is, indeed, correct that he and his cohorts are getting fingered by the invisible hand of the free meat market; however, he’s missing the point as to why.

But in missing that point, he presents a series of excellent reasons why certain men are having a hard time dating. Mostly by embodying all of them.

Let’s break it down, shall we?

[Read more…]

The Wrong Way To Get Your Ex Back

September 11, 2017 by Dr. NerdLove 166 Comments

Breaking up with someone is never easy. Even when it’s a break up that had to happen, you’re going to end up with complicated feelings towards your ex. No matter how bad the relationship was – or how badly it ended – it’s natural that you’d have questions and doubts. You may wonder if you did the right thing. You may think that maybe you made a mistake.

And you may think about trying to get your ex back.

How NOT to Get Your Ex Back — And really, is dignity too high a price to pay?

It’s entirely understandable that you might want your ex back in your life. For some, it’s the fear of being alone and the belief that even a bad relationship is better than no relationship. For others, it’s the comfort of the familiar, the ease of settling back into old routines. Part of what makes a breakup so traumatic is the way that it shatters your life. Being with someone, especially in a long-term relationship, means that you’ve restructured your life around being part of a couple. You’ve developed habits and routines based on your shared your life with another person. The end of that relationship throws your life into chaos, leaving you to have to relearn how to be single again.

And there are times when you just still love your ex and aren’t ready to let them go.

But getting your ex back – if you even should – is a tricky situation. There are right ways to approach trying to rekindle a faded romance… and there are wrong ones.

And then there are utterly, mind-fuckingly, bad ones.

Like this one:

[Read more…]

This Is Why You’re Creepy (And How To Stop It)

August 7, 2017 by Dr. NerdLove 289 Comments

One of the evergreen topics when it comes to dating advice – especially dating advice for men – is about being creepy. Whether it’s about what makes someone a creeper, how to tell if you’re being creepy, or how to flirt with someone without creeping them out, dudes worry about getting hit with the creeper label.

However, one of the issues with creepy behavior is that we tend to see it in absolutes. Once we see something as creepy, it’s hard to see any way that the actions in question could be fixed or redeemed that doesn’t involve 1.21 gigawatts of lightning and a willingness to cross your own timeline.

This week, we’re going to do something different. We’re going to take two incidents of dudes being turbo-creepers, break down where things went wrong… and see how they could have done things differently to get the results they might have been hoping for.

[Read more…]