Hey Doc, I have a quick question for you.
How in the heck does a man actually feel like a sexual creature? How do you start feeling worthy of having sex and being comfortable expressing that I want to have sex in this world?
I say this as sometimes (a lot of the time actually) it’s just not worth trying to meet people. It feels as though as everyone has a million stories about creeps trying to hit on them and as a man with no experience in asking people out, I’m going to come off as creepy a heck of a lot before I even have reasonable social skills, a 9 in charisma (out of 20).
I just don’t want to be the creep, even accidentally and I never asked anyone out in school, so I don’t have the practice to help me. I also never asked anyone out and barely socialized at all in college, meaning that I’m waaaay further behind socially than most people.
Now if I were a time traveller, I’d get my past self to socialize more but I do not have such technology, besides if I did it would be consumer-model, I. E. Terrible as slackers can’t afford nice things without taking out a loan.
Anyway, while we’re talking stats, my strength is less than 5, I’m puny, my Dexterity is 10, my best stat in that it’s the speed and reflexes of an average person, my Constitution is abysmal, 4, I get horribly horribly winded from a light 10 second jog, my Intelligence and Wisdom is 6, I’m deficient in my studies and haven’t seen enough of the world to prevent myself from getting ripped off and my charisma is a 4, I get by (barely) socially with my D&D games but I dont have a life outside of it.
My idea of a bad evening is when my computer updates and I’m stuck inside with a bunch of books I only read in the mornings over breakfast, and a ton of ideas for stories to write but not the get up and go to even write out a draft.
I got off topic, point is I now only see love as something that happens in fiction, a nice little lie to sell products on deceitful holidays like Valentines day.
I’m not angry about the love is a lie thing, I get by alright with a monk-like lifestyle right now, I just need to learn how to feel like a sexual being, as in feeling worthy of actually having sex and expressing that fact in case I meet someone that wants to spend their life with me and I want to spend my life with them, and living life like In the life insurance ads, happy in our old age.
But how would I feel like any woman would actually be interested with me? I’m the proverbial anime fan on prom night.
There needs to be something standout about me for any woman to be interested, me being a sports star, or an investor, or one of those losers you find on TED talks, trying to give others false hope. I need to be an inventor, or a scientist or a programmer who doesn’t want to take vast amounts of user infomation via social networking websites.
Women aren’t interested in 20-something loser man child who all they want to do is write stories, they… just want somebody better.
So anyway, how the hell does somebody even feel ready to ask somebody out? Leaving aside all the potential public shaming that could occur, my brain just doesn’t accept it as a concept. I mean the attraction’s there, but it always thinks ‘pass on by’ and I do, unwilling to ask someone out because it most likely won’t be worth the effort.
What would I gain? A nice conversation perhaps, maybe even a hug goodnight. What’s to lose? Getting beat up, publicly shamed, sneered at, or worse.
Now I was thinking about being a pillar of the community to find meaning in my sexless life, but something tells me that people will sponge off my generous nature, never learning how to do anything for themselves and just expect handout after handout. I want to help people but I don’t want to be their caretaker.
I got off track there again, apologies doc.