It’s Wednesday, which means it’s time for the NerdLove readers to take over the comments section for the weekly open thread.
This week’s suggested topic: first crushes. Everybody remembers their first crush from childhood… and for many nerds, it was actually a fictional character. So today, let’s talk about who was the first person to make your heart skip a beat or two – especially if that set a pattern for you. Personally, I can trace a lifelong interest in gingers to early exposure to Space Ace.
So, who’s yours?
You know the rules. No hate, no trolls. Have fun.
StarlightArcher says
First real life crush was in 2nd grade. He was a skinny, gawky, specky git named Hans Bauer. Good lord I loved him (as much as a 2nd grade girl can love someone), and I wanted nothing more than for him and his giant glasses to love me and my owl-sized glasses right back.
And yeah, I've always had a thing for guys who were long and lean and had a nerdish aura about them. Which led to my next crush- Wesley Crusher … shaddup he was the best thing in space suit I'd ever seen and I still luff him!!
Most of my friends tend to like guys with most muscle or even more fluff, but I will always get weak-kneed for a dude built like a cheetah, even more so if he's got glasses.
Eliza Jane says
Wesley Crusher was an early one for me, too, though I don't know if he was absolutely the first. It's definitely a type I ended up gravitating towards for most of my adolescence afterwards: skinny science nerds.
Haven't totally shaken the type yet, though at some point I graduated to a Riker crush.
Mel_ says
I'm seeing a common theme here… Apparently all of us geek girls would have needed a cage match to brawl it out over Mr. Crusher.
On the other hand, Riker can be all yours. ๐
Eliza Jane says
I outgrew that one after a while, too, alas. I have always had a very active fantasy life where ST:TNG was concerned. When I was a kid, I pretended to be just a bit younger than Wesley and impressing him with my brilliance and wit and awesomeness. Then I shifted slowly to imagining myself locked up with Riker, and impressing him with my courage and resourcefulness. For the last decade or so, it's been all Picard for me, in crisis situations where I impress him with my level-headed competence and musical ability.
StarlightArcher says
I'm so glad I'm not rowing in that boat alone. I wanted more than anything for a ST:TNG/Star Wars crossover where I was Han & Leia's Jedi daughter, and blew everyone away with my Force abilities and won the heart of a certain nerd dude in a rockin' sweater ….and I can't believe I just admitted that on the internet.
Marty Farley says
Dude, my first fanfiction had Snape and McGonagall hooking up. You are in fine company.
enail0_o says
Non-crush or -shipping tangent. I really want a Harry Potter buddy cop spinoff with those two:
SHE's a straightlaced transfiguration professor, HE's a reformed Death Eater, together they FIGHT CRIME!
StarlightArcher says
I'm surprised how much I want to read this now that I've heard the premise. I never would've thought to team them up before now.
Gentleman Johnny says
This presents the possibility for a dangerous amount of smugly dry wit.
Robjection says
http://media3.giphy.com/media/e3C4pNKkr9rji/giphy…
enail0_o says
You are really rocking the gifs lately, Rob! Marty, I think you've got a challenger! ๐
Robjection says
I was thinking I might team up with her and together, our gifs would take over the internet!
enail0_o says
I like this plan! DO IT!!
Mimi says
Please please please write this!!!! And take all of my money!
Eliza Jane says
See, mine are even more embarrassing that that. I never dreamed of being an actual part of the universe. I'm just.. me. From earth, circa 2014, somehow transplanted into the future. Frequently Q factors into it. Sometimes it's alien tech. But one way or another, I was there and figuring out how to be awesome. Sometimes Picard adopted me, though, when I was a kid. Sometimes I even knew they were all the Star Trek people and was all, "OMG! You're supposed to be made up!"
I was doing live action self-insert fan fic way before I knew what any of those words meant.
Mel_ says
I had pretty much this exact same imagining, except it involved my second fictional crush, which was Haplo from the Death Gate Cycle books. I would be magically transported into his world(s) and he'd be intrigued by me for… some reason or another. ๐
Marty Farley says
So I'm the only one who enjoyed (not far enough to call a crush, but further than all the other characters) Data? I also had a mentor-older-teacher-sorta-crush on Picard.
enail0_o says
I looooved Data, but it was more wannabe than crush.
Mel_ says
Data and Picard were my two favorite characters, but more in an "I want to hang out and talk with these people" way than an "I want to make out with these people" way.
eselle28 says
Data was by far my favorite character (I never really crushed on any of them – Wesley unfortunately reminded me of a boy in my class who wasn't very nice to me, which probably short circuited an otherwise likely crush).
StarlightArcher says
Well, I also was more than a bit swoony over Luke Skywalker. I dunno if it was the earnestness or the Jedi-ness that did it for me. Years later, after I'd done a bit of maturing I got all giggly over Darth Maul. Which touched off my fascination and love of villains and the Dark Side. Apparently I'm a sucker for black and cookies.
StarlightArcher says
Interesting, I went from Wesley to Data, because why not go full android if you're into smart geeky dudes who don't understand emotions because science!
Marty Farley says
Right there with ya sister! In the new movies, I get all sigh-y over young Spock. (Even if he'd annoy me silly in real life.)
StarlightArcher says
I embarrassed the hell out of myself at the screening of the Into Darkness when the cyborg dude Science Officer 0178 flashed by in his cameo. Sure Benedict Cumberbatch was awesome, but when I got an eyeful of that nerd looking dude I pointed and with my outside voice hollered "where can I find him?!" My sister said I'm not allowed to go out to the movies after that performance.
raindancing says
Aaahh… my first real crush was a boy that stood up to my bullies for me in middle school. He was… frankly he was kind of awkward and majorly hick, but I thought he was dreamy…
The summer after that, he hit a major growth spurt, and he came back to school in the fall something like eight inches taller. And kept growing… I think he ended up being 6'7". I blame my attraction to absurdly tall men on him. ๐
inertia says
When I was in middle school. A guy pushed me into this girl, who inturned blamed me for tha audacity to have been pushed in to her. She chased me out of the school (it was home time). She threw me down on the ground a few times. and this Boy who was a year older got the girl off of me and helped me to my bus. he was a bit of a loner, but I had a crush on him after that. So I get the hero crushing thing.
Mel_ says
My first (fictional) crush was Wesley Crusher… I guess StarlightArcher and I would have had to fight it out for him! ๐ I used to get embarrassed when I'd be watching ST:TNG with my parents and he was on-screen, as if they'd somehow notice. I also had taped an episode he was prominent in ("The Game") and rewatched it a gazillion times, and was very jealous of the girl he got to banter with in it, heh.
My first real life crush came less than a year after, a guy in my sixth grade class–who, come to think of it, did share some physical resemblance with Mr. Crusher. I crushed hard for almost two years and it was not a good thing, because he wasn't really a good person… I told the story of this over in the crushes thread on the forums way back.
Korilian says
I never really saw the appeal of young Wesley (Possibly because of the footy rompers they used to put him in ;), but I’m definitely seeing the appeal of Will Wheaton ๐
Conreezy says
My pre-school teacher at 4.
Then Belinda Carlisle. No idea why, but I remember being five years old and thinking that she would be fun to play frisbee with.
Marty Farley says
The first crush I vividly recall was Peter Pan. I ADORED him. I'd rent the audio book from the library and play out the scenes in my room. My next big fantasy crush was Sherlock Holmes in my early teenage years. I'm not sure I want to think about what this implies about my character and taste in men. ๐
StarlightArcher says
I dunno, there's something wonderfully teenage and antisocial about Holmes that I think makes for great crush material.
Cori says
Oh my god! I thought I was the only gal who had a thing for the eternal child. Most girls would go for the typical Disney prince, but I can vividly remember being down right bitchie at Wendy and Tigerlily out of jealousy!
Jess says
Robin Hood. I alternated between wanting to be him and wanting to run away and marry him. Eventually I decided on "run away and become Robin Hood, and he can be Maid Marian."
katiathemick says
If you're talking about the fox one, btw, I 100% don't blame you. That dude was dapper.
eselle28 says
I came here to post about cartoon Robin Hood. That dude was foxy!
katiathemick says
Random, but growing up we had a story book of that particular Robin Hood, and during the archery contest part my brother would always make my dad say that the dog won. I think it was a sheepdog and my brother liked it for whatever reason. I can hear my dad in my head saying "And the dog wins!" as I type this.
celette482 says
The voice. Oh man. There was a reason I watched that movie all the time.
adamhunter1223 says
Dapper as hell.
Jess says
It actually wasn't the fox! It was the image I had in my head from a Robin Hood book I had. I never encountered the fox until I was in college, at which point I was like "OMG I SHOULD NOT FIND THIS FOX SO VERY ATTRACTIVE."
Gman says
My first (real) crush was on this totally adorable and friendly girl I met sometime during middle school. It was during some sort of trip where we stayed the night with students from other schools. I met her there. We ended up talking and walking around the area for like 2 hours straight.
When I came back home, I missed her so much and realized that I probably won't see her ever again and started crying really hard in front of my parents. It's kind of silly from today's point of view, but maybe that was a precursor to my relatively sensitive personality that was developing at that time.
And in order to contrast that – my first fictional crush – I am going to publicaly admit that there was a short period where I crushed on……… the power-puff girls……. yeah…….. I guess those insanley large colorful eyes did the trick on me….
http://i917.photobucket.com/albums/ad19/tinsleyre…
foolofatoque says
My first crush was in second grade. She had dark, straight hair like my mom's ( 90% of women I'm attracted to have dark straight hair ) and she was beautiful and smart and talented. She spent a lot of the school year away, since she was a Broadway child actor, but when she was at school she was kind to everyone, including one of the most awkward and shy kids there. I remember how thrilled I was when both of us were selected to play the complicated part of a school music performance, and I could practice separately with her.
Jess says
Awww, she sounds lovely. I almost have a crush on her from that story!
foolofatoque says
My family left town and moved to Canada, but I did manage to get back in contact with her a couple years ago. She's still lovely. http://www.micheleriganese.com
KMR_ says
I was a late bloomer when it comes to romantic feelings, so I didn't have my first real-life crush until I was 19. Nerdy chess player and board game fan who had a delightful sense of humor and writing style. Unfortunately, since I was shy and this was my first crush and my definition of "crush" from what I had seen of other teenage girls was "feelings you indulge but never ever reveal to the object of your affection," I never got up the courage to tell him how I felt and never got to find out if he might have felt the same way.
Even my fictional crushes didn't start until I was a teenager, and even then were few and far between. I started watching anime around age 12/13, so it was mostly the occasional bishounen. I get fictional crushes a lot more nowadays as an adult.
wjmorris3 says
My first crush was one of my bosses at the job I have now. This is the one who I tried taking out to dinner, and always got cancelled on. But still I persevered until I found out that she already had a boyfriend. It's partially why I'm a bit guarded today about trying to date.
TheWisp says
I've never had fictional crushes, to be honest. It's not something I really understand.
My first real life crush was a girl in the 7th grade with me. She was an arty theater hipster nerd (though apparently she played Final Fantasy as well) with short blonde hair. Not quite a tomboy, but not the most feminine girl either. I was naturally very intimidated by her and never really intended to talk to her. In the 8th grade, I found out she had a boyfriend and that it was very likely she was having regular sex with him. I was crushed. It killed my timid enjoyment of a crush from afar.
It's odd, but she is an outlier in terms of the kind of woman I've crushed on. I tend to be attracted to women who are very superficially feminine (though the hipster/quirky look still has a lot of appeal to me).
Jess says
My first real-person crush was also a bit of an outlier. He was the new boy in school in something like third grade. He was tall, athletic, and immediately the most popular kid in class. My "throw erasers at him from across the room" strategy for showing him how much I liked him did not get very far.
I moved on to get my heart broken by a cute nerdy boy who gave me his Robert Jordan books. (I asked him out and he shot me down; evidently Robert Jordan does not mean true love. But I'd forgotten that I was asking boys out as early as seventh grade!)
TheWisp says
"My "throw erasers at him from across the room" strategy for showing him how much I liked him did not get very far. "
Why does anybody think these tactics work?!? ๐ (seriously, though, it seems like a very common strategy for really young people with crushes, what gives young people?!)
"But I'd forgotten that I was asking boys out as early as seventh grade!"
I don't think about it much, but it must be hard to go through puberty earlier than the boys for a hetero girl.
Jess says
It wasn't as bad for me as it was for some of my friends, because I was the youngest person in my class. I started to hit puberty right about the same time as some of the boys – but some of my friends had been there for a year or more. We never really talked about it at the time but I bet that was a lonely year for them.
StarlightArcher says
It sounds like we went to the same school of crush-attracting. I took an Anne Shirley approach to wooing the guys who caught my eye, in that I wanted to beat them at *everything* to prove both my worthiness and my undying love. (please don't ask how that's supposed to work, I doubt even Doctor Who could work out that wibbly wobbly convoluted leap of logic.) I got similar results as you. Because apparently it's not attractive when you trounce a crush at something, and then smile at them in a love-sick puppy kind of way. Who knew?
Jess says
Yeah, I didn't want to beat them, but I did have the illusion that winning math awards would make the boy of my dreams fall in love with me. Didn't work. ๐
Hirundo Bos says
Huh. For me Robert Jordan did mean true love. Or at least, Robert Jordan and Babylon 5 was what my first girlfriend and I originally bonded over.
Bas Kleijweg says
12-year old me crushed hard on a girl in class and let it fester for a year before confessing on Valentine's Day. She knew about it well ahead of time because I was blatantly obvious in a harmlessly icky manner(sunglasses to impress, artificial looking and glancing away, asking her to dance while focusing firmly on her feet). Got rejected politely. Crush was purely aesthetical, I realize now, we pretty much had nothing in common.
Fictional "crush": Fembots from Austin Powers. Jesus Christ, the amount of kinks four minutes of footage can give you is absolutely horrifying.
As an aside, these Nerve columns are great reading if you ever need to get over latebloomer anxiety or sex mysticism. Sometimes sweet, sometimes plain assholish and the most evident example that dudettes also do Dutch courage from time to time(forever dispelling the gender stereotypes of alcohol making dudettes vulnerable and out-of-control, while dudes drink deliberately to deal with nerves): http://www.nerve.com/love-sex/everyone-ive-ever-h…
eselle28 says
My first cartoon crushes were Robin Hood and Optimus Prime, and my first celebrity crush was Jordan from NKOTB. Then there were a couple of young teachers. I don't think I got around to having a crush on someone who I actually knew and who was vaguely my own age until I developed some feelings for a coworker at my college job.
Eliza Jane says
I had totally forgotten about NKOTB. In my school, it was basically required to have a crush on a NKOTB, and you were judged and characterized by your choice. I was a Danny girl. My cousin had Joey bedsheets from ages eight to twelve.
eselle28 says
We didn't judge, but it was considered extremely bad form to have a crush on the same band member as your best friend. I was lucky that mine was a Joey gal.
Gentleman Johnny says
I can think of two fictional crushes that came from the same weekend. I picked up GI Joe 16 (Secret Origin of Snake Eyes part 1 and New Mutants. . .18, I think. Scarlet and Magik.
I honestly don't remember my first real crush but about the time of the above one of a set of twins in my class had a crush on me, so of course the other one had to hate me. I was about the only person in the class who could tell them apart on sight.
@MikeyWithNoName says
I had a thing for Danielle Fishel from Boy Meets World, I didn't know/understand why, I just thought "Yes, I like that".
But for the most part growing up as a little kid I was mostly into just playing with my action figures and thought girls were a little icky. Back then I had zero fear of girls, I had balls of steel. However, I didn't REALLY start noticing girls 'til I was about 10 and I remember being into Hermione Granger a lot (still am, she's dope and smart as hell).
At age 10 in real-life though, I was also into this blonde girl who ended up getting into another class and falling in with a different crowd and I never saw her again, which, oddly enough was cool with me.
Justin Cochran says
I don't remember my first crush, really. I do remember the first person who had an apparent crush on me though. I was the fat kid in the class so I hated life in general, and distrusted most of the other kids. So when someone started being weirdly 'attracted" to me (I don't know if that's the right word to use for first graders), I thought it was just awful. Not to mention all the boys in the class were all in that "ew, girls" phase. It was a girl named Samantha in maybe first or second grade. One of those. She would follow me around and make kissy lips and noises at me, and tried to kiss me a lot. I didn't get it and I asked her why she did that and she said she liked my glasses. I did a pretty good job and pushing her away and getting her to leave me alone. Then the next year she moved away.
Beth says
Let's see — Carolyn Jones (Morticia Addams in the live-action TV show) and David McCallum, aka Illya Kuryakin, were my first crushes. I didn't have crushes on real-life, potentially available individuals until many years later. Fantasy crushes on fictional characters were a hell of a lot safer.
Bookish says
MacGyver – (sigh)
Korilian says
Respect.
Beth says
Oh, yes!!
username_6916 says
My first crush was a Horse-riding, lock-picking viola player that I met in high school. It did start a bit of a trend: She went off to college to study mechanical engineering. Since then, nearly every woman I've so much as had a crush on was either studying or had studied science or engineering.
Katebot says
My first serious fictional crush was Joxer from Xena: Warrior Princess. He was the perfect storm of my (admittedly odd) preferences: dark-haired, nerdy, funny, and likely on the autism spectrum. Not coincidentally, my husband also shares all of these traits!
slidebytheside says
Random question:
Am I the only one who thinks this would be a perfect intro for a Great Gatsby anime?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvcUHphENxk
AlexNCC1989 says
Lieutenant Saavik From STII Wrath of Khan… Its the ears.
enail0_o says
Didn't realize it at the time, but thinking back, I kind of crushed on her too!
rebootI730 says
I have been struggling to phrase my first crush so it does not sound inappropriate and may still not be successful, but here it goes:
My first crush was when I was 13 and it was on one of my dad's coworkers who was 18-20 or so. He was the first person who talked to me like I was an adult and had something worth saying. It was 100% one sided and I am sure he would have been horrified if he knew some kid had a crush on him. I used to plot all these clever things to talk about with him whenever I knew I would see him at a BBQ, church social, etc..
eselle28 says
You succeeded. That actually sounds pretty normal to me. Don't most teens go through a phase of wanting to be adults, or be treated as interesting and important by them in ways that are a little more even the usual parenting and mentoring relationships? Sometimes awful people take advantage of that, but there are plenty of decent people who don't notice it too.
Under_Orange says
Or they do notice and go "Oh god what do what do!?" and then pretend like they don't notice to try and save everyone from embarrassment.
But yeah having a crush on an older person is pretty common I think. Looooads of girls in my high school had crushes on some of the younger teachers. I was super confused by it, but then I didn't get the massive appeal of boy bands either and I'm pretty sure my first crush was a ninja turtle SO no judgement from this corner.
eselle28 says
Sometimes that too, I think! And I think that people who spend a good bit of time with kids just shrug, because they realize it happens sometimes. Most of the younger teachers I've met are aware that occasionally a kid will have a crush.
Eliza Jane says
Yeah, I had a pretty serious crush on my uncle for a while when I was around thirteen, and I have a vivid memory of the summer my parents hired college kids to paint the house and my best friend and I just stood around outside and openly drooled over them. I was around 14 then, I think.
rebootI730 says
I kind of edited it down because if I described how he was with me it would come out sounding all wrong. He was very kind and (to adult me looking back) very big brotherly because that was around when my dad was laid off and my parents disengaged from the whole parenting thing. Some of the stuff might sound weird unless you were there.
eselle28 says
Gotcha. It's sometimes hard to talk about friendships between adults and children because a lot of the same things can look like support or grooming, depending on the situation and the people involved.
rebootI730 says
And I think only in retrospect can one judge what it was if you were the younger person. At the time all I could think was, "Ohhhh! I hope he pays attention to me!", "Will he be at _____ event? I have to think of what to talk about!", etc.. My head was all hearts and flowers, so at the time if he had not been on the up and up things could have been very bad.
As it was, he was just a good guy who had a little bit of kind to give to a somewhat feral 13 year old who had a crush on him.
However, can I keep my fantasy that my 13 year old self did not make it hideously obvious that I had a crush? Please? 13 year old me still wants to think she was all super slick ๐
eselle28 says
You can absolutely keep that fantasy! There's a reasonably good chance it's the truth, since your crush wasn't a teacher sort who had encountered it a million times before. Because it happens. For all the teachers of both genders I know who are used to it and shrug it off, I also know a guy who was stunned (not in a sexytimes way, just a wtf way) when his sister's friend mentioned to him later in life that she'd been in love with him for a few years in adolescence. Some kids are all stealthy and stuff!
(Please, deity I don't believe in, let me have been one of them.)
HermitTheToad says
I don't really remember who I'd crushed on first. Was it Cameron Diaz from 'The Mask' or Lauren Holly from 'Dumb and Dumber' (It might not even have been those women)? I remember crushing on Rachel Weisz from the 'The Mummy Returns'.
I don't know if what I felt was a crush but, I did have fuzzy feelings towards this girl in high school who enjoyed listening to Bollywood music that I'd liked as well. We actually had a nice rapport and it felt nice to make her laugh. She was sweet, I liked her voice and the occasional hugs added to the 'feeIs' as well. I suppose I had these feelings because they were rare and because I'd never consider approaching women to make friends.
So, is there a difference between feeling limerence and crushing on someone? Or are they just the same/ similar shades of each other?
TheWisp says
http://imgur.com/gallery/aohr6
I'm sure we've all had moments like this ๐
eselle28 says
The beginning part of it seems decidedly more familiar than the ending!
adamhunter1223 says
I wish I knew when to cut and run when I was younger. Would've saved me a lot of trouble with students in school…and teachers…and administrators…and parents…
HermitTheToad says
I think these threads could use more memes: http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/du…
http://lh5.ggpht.com/-Epa5xPCwjP8/TxjLTXastnI/AAA…
http://www.epiclol.com/cdn/pictures/2012/06/youre…
http://cdn.smosh.com/sites/default/files/ftpuploa…
http://m2.img.srcdd.com/farm2/d/2011/0817/01/8590…
http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/29/db/41/2…
http://hugelolcdn.com/i700/64266.jpg
Last, but not least: http://data3.whicdn.com/images/4821766/original.j…
rammspieler says
My first crush was this classmate of mines from kindergarten. Blonde and blue eyes. I thought she was pretty. When I confessed that "I liked her", well needless to say, that went well (like most crushes at that age). However, even though it's kinda cute and funny to look back at now, I feel that perhaps that first rejection effected me for life and helped plant the seeds for my LS.
While I'm at it and totally off topic, but remember about my possible hook up girl?
Well, as much as Rational Me tries to convince myself that if she's still interested in me, even after I "let it slip" that "I never had sex before" (I didn't use the word "virginity" and I was therefore able to phrase it better without it looking awkward so thank you LTP/The Wisp!) And if she doesn't have a problem with it, then why do I still feel pangs of jealousy every time I see one of her regular FWBs comment on her FB posts? Why do I feel like I'm competing with all her FWBs and the drunken ONSs? Or why do I feel like I'm going to be a big disappointment? I guess I just want to be one of her partners that stand out in her mind, rather than one of the countless men and women she's been with and doesn't seem to remember. Because if things go right and if we do have sex, I'll obviously be remembering her. But who's to say she would remember me?
rebootI730 says
Do not let her past experiences stress you out and do not worry about being the one she remembers.
Worst case scenario: you stress yourself out so badly that she remembers you as the guy that freaked out because he was trying to impress her
Neutral case: she remembers you as much as any other partner
Best case: she remembers you fondly as one of many lovers.
Aim for neutral or best and the way to do that is to forget about any of her other partners. Unless they will be in bed with you they are non issues
adamhunter1223 says
My first crush was on my best friend. I was young and apocalyptically stupid. It didn't end well.
Marco Pura says
Uuuuhh, not exactly on topic, but did the Doc happen to be on a bus in San Francisco in the afternoon? I swear I saw a guy that looked like him, but it's not exactly the kind of thing you randomly ask. "EXCUSE ME SIR, ARE THE ONE WHO WRITES THAT DATING ADVICE BLOG FOR NERDS THAT I DESPERATELY NEED? NO? Ok, have a nice day, sorry to bother you."
Dr_NerdLove says
Shit, it got loose againโฆ
Gentleman Johnny says
Are you implying there's an army of clone Doctors Nerdlove in your secret basement laboratory?
Dr_NerdLove says
<a href="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTXZQSpdSFNoUhntc68-YX7orsQHVYoylS9W0dCq3D7vey-R93gvQhttps://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A… />I mean, no!
mountainshadows299 says
Let's see… My first crush when I was really young was when I was in the second grade and it was on a little blond boy named Charlie who was my close friend (I was a tomboy when I was young, and because only little boys my age lived on my street, I actually had more male friends than females). Unfortunately, I made the mistake of telling the girls in my girl scout troop that I had a crush on him during a game of truth or dare, and so he found out… And promptly stopped being my friend.
My first "real" crush though, was another blond boy in middle school (apparently I had a thing for blonds when I was a kid) who, oddly enough, was popular, on the football team, and good looking. Had nothing in common with me (I'm sure), but nevertheless was attractive to me at the time. I again, made the mistake of telling of my "friends" when I was in middle school that I had a crush on him, and sure enough, it was spread around the school and I was totally embarrassed… Again. (Might explain why it took me so long to trust that men were/are actually interested in me as an adult.)
My first fictional character crush was also around middle school, and that was Westley from the Princess Bride.
I think it's funny that I tended to like blonds when I was a kid. As an adult I'm actually more attracted to the opposite- dark hair, dark eyes (ie, tall, dark, and handsome)… And also, I tend to like smart, intellectual types, and I tend to be more put off by the jock/super good looking types. I dunno… Nurture vs. Nature??? lol.
rebootI730 says
Off topic and this may end up in moderation due to some crappy MRA terms, but I was thinking after hanging out with some younger friends lately: is the "cock carousel" that "hypergamous" women pursue what is usually called "sowing your wild oats" for men? As I see it:
Young woman who wants to have some fun, have sex with a lot of cute men, have some adventures and then settle down and start adulting
Is no different than
Young man who wants to have some fun, have sex with a lot of cute men, have some adventures and then settle down and start adulting
Aside from slut shaming, why is one lifestyle demonized and one considered kind of a normal goal?
eselle28 says
I think the only difference is that both messages are promoted by patriarchal forces that hold ideas that include but probably extend to more than slut shaming. I think it brings into play concepts that aren't quite the same as slut-shaming, like whether it's appropriate for a person to put off seeking marriage to pursue work or personal growth, what age is too old to be an appropriate parent (in ways that don't relate to the ability to have biological children), and what at what age a person supposedly expires from the dating market regardless of fertility.
LordAzazel says
I take it you mean "Young man who wants to have some fun, have sex with a lot of cute /wo/men", because sadly young men wanting to have sex with a lot of cute men aren't wholly accepted either ๐
(Couldn't resist being a smart ass!)
To be honest, men wanting to have sex are also demonized. Those are animals, broken, driven by their desire, until a Good Woman saves them and gets him to settle down with her. Men who only want sex are automatically disrespectful to women and use them only as objects (according to the dominant narrative anyway).
So on one hand you've got people telling you that if you don't have sex enough you're not a real man, but if you do have a lot of sex the same people tell you that you're a jerk Bad Boy.
It's surprising how schizophrenic society is with their messages, also how women should have some sex because otherwise they're not progressive, but not too much because then they're sluts.
Bas Kleijweg says
This. There is not a single narrative, but quite a few narratives clashing and the opposition is usually perceived as the dominant one. From lipstick feminism all the way to the PIV-is-rape school, and from the dating market dystopia all the way to make-it-work lifelong monogamy, there are a thousand poisons to pick.
rebootI730 says
I did. Ah my typing skills….
And cosign on the schizophrenic message when it comes to sex.
Then there is the super annoying message that you are not properly adulting until you settle down in a relationship
embertine says
Bagheera.
WHAT. Don't you dare judge me, fella was smooth.
eselle28 says
No judging. In high school, someone proposed it as a name for the new kitten and I vetoed it because of reasons. I just didn't want to think of my cat like that.
enail0_o says
Agreed, that cat was smooth. He was another wannabe one for me (original stories, not the Disney movie)
Korilian says
First boy crush; Stanley Tucci in a midsummer nights dream. To this day I am way into balding, funny guy’s!
First girl crush; the girl on the Roman subway with a chello. Never talked to her, never saw her again, but alerted me to the fact that I was into girls in a big way.
Marty Farley says
He was fantastic as Puck!
MapWater says
My first real crush was actually last year, after I turned 22. I still have said crush, actually, and was told by a biased observer that she seemed to be into me too (if he wasn't so biased, I would be far more willing to believe it). However, before I could nut up the courage to actually ask her out, she left for Europe at the start of this year and isn't back until December.
She even invited me out once and it totally went over my head until it was too late to accept. I can't say I regret it all that much – if I had no idea, I had no idea, right? – but it does frustrate me thinking about it. Hindsight is always 20/20 blah blah blah.
As for 'first crush' involving a fictional character, I honestly can't think of a first instance. I suppose when I started reading manga I quite liked Yoruichi Shihouin in Bleach, but I can also remember having a thing for Haman Karn in Mobile Suit Gundam ZZ and Xena from, well, Xena Warrior Princess.
enail0_o says
Really, though, who doesn't have a crush on Xena? (Hush, all you not-attracted-to-women people! :P)
MapWater says
I know a lot of my non-geeky friends had a thing for her too. Very few were immune!
I also remembered one that preceded all of these: Dita Von Teese. To this day, I think she is the reason I love corsetry and super silky black hair. I didn't really recognise my crush on her at the time because I found out about her pretty young and, well, if I'm oblivious now, I was a void back then where no concept of attraction could escape.
dahllaz says
Real person crush: boy in my second grade class. Or maybe it was 3rd grade? Around this time I also crushed on a junior bull rider (he was probably around 13 or 14?) I pissed off my older sister's friend with this guy. Mom took us all to a fair after the rodeo was over (my dad was a pick-up man for a rodeo stock company, so we went to a whooole lot of rodeos). Sis's friend also liked this guy, but he went on the rides with me. I didn't crush on him long, but that was still some of the most fun I'd had on rides – he was old and big enough to really get them spinning and that was the first for me.
First fandom crush: Ensign Ro from ST:TNG. Maaaan, I still have a thing for Michelle Forbes.
After Ro was Major Kira from DS9. Then comics Rogue, Xena & warrior Gabrielle, various lady cops from books (Lt. Eve Dallas) and way to many cop shows to list. Current is Natasha Romanoff for the Marvel movies/comics.
I have such a type.
Artanis says
My first crush was one of my close friends And lasted from like 7th grade right up through High School graduation she was smart (went to Yale with a full ride, or something close to one) and we would banter back and forth. I remember one time she forbade me to go to the school play she was is so of course I went and sat in the front row. We also shared headphones to watch a movie while taking a bus trip to A swim meet once. Some of my best high school memories involve her.
Aggrax says
I never really had a crush that I can remember. I always thought it was weird to have a crush on some girl that didn't like you or even know you. Around Junior High/High School, when other people my age were getting crushes and dating, I didn't really associate with many girl. Most of them didn't know me or made it clear they didn't like me. The few that I knew had boyfriends so nothing was happening there. By the time I got to college I had decided that I wasn't going to date, so by then it didn't matter.
Hirundo Bos says
I once knew a girl
she was older than me
counting back, I suppose she was nine
She was a bit of a crush
if not really my first
I was easily charmed at the time
She liked somebody else
but then he turned her down
so to make her feel better, I said
“Well, I like you at least!”
She turned sharply on me
and my face may have turned a bit red
The contempt in her eyes
has stayed with me for years
I see now that my timing was off
but for years I took care
not to tell anyone
never told anyone
that I liked them that way
Seeing such a look once was enough.
BiSian says
Just a PSA: my new avatar is directed to Sparky and his friends….if he has any friends. If you aren't Sparky, it is not directed at you.
ChickpeaSarada says
First real-life crush was a curly-haired, bespectacled boy in my 7th grade class who read manga during free time. I first felt a spark when getting into an engaging conversation about Pokemon with him. I did nothing about those feelings, though. Went to an all-girls high school and never saw him again.
Now for first fictional crushes: my first fictional crush was Future Trunks from Dragonball Z. Before, I just had favorite characters, but Trunks was the first one I found attractive and had silly daydreams about. At the same time, Android 17 was my first fictional lust object. My giggling like a perv at the close-up of his butt during his fight with Piccolo made one of the boys watching alongside me a bit uncomfortable.
rebootI730 says
Off topic again:
Last night I was hanging out with some of my long time friends and one posed this question: "What is the one thing that if you could go back and change in your life you would?". It was interesting how different our answers were (and to discover how boring my change was in comparison).
So I thought I would bring the question here. If you could change anything in your past what would it be?
enail0_o says
Oh, that is a hard question! I'd lean towards doing something in school that would lead more directly to some kind of job that fits my requirements, but I wouldn't want to give up the schooling I did do, b/c I got a lot out of it and found my people there more than I think I would have in a more focused training education.
I don't suppose the change can be something I didn't have any control over in the first place?
rebootI730 says
Mine was similar to yours. I wish I had done more statistics and economics and been a bit more focused in school, which was pretty boring compared to two friends' responses.
What was interesting with theirs was that what they wanted to change would not alter their lives but would have prevented harm to others, in one case a robbery/rape/murder and in the other a maybe accident/maybe murder.
Edit: And no, the change has to be something you could actually have had some control over, which makes it harder
eselle28 says
I would have made very different educational choices.
slidebytheside says
Nothing. To me that's like asking which thread of the sweater to pull out. Also, Q taught Captain Picard the folly of picking at the strands of one's lifetime.
enail0_o says
I don't know, my favourite lesson Q taught us is that true exploration is not mapping stars and studying nebulae, but charting the unknown possibilities of existence.
Either that, or that Riker wasn't so stolid before the beard.
Gentleman Johnny says
I thought Q taught us that people who know everything are still kind of gits. I mean his whole species had explored the realms of possibility and evolved beyond physical form and existed outside of time. . .and they were kind of dicks about it.
Jess says
I would spend more time with my dad before he died.
TheWisp says
Mental illness has constrained my life so much to this point that I'm not sure there's much I would change that was under my control.
Hm, there is one thing, though: I would have stopped seeing my first therapist much earlier than I actually did (I actually only stopped seeing him because he got diagnosed with what would eventually be a fatal illness). I saw him for like a year and half, but I should have stopped at like six months or something. I was only 13 and I was attached to him because I didn't have any idea of what a healthy therapist client relationship was like, but I did know that nobody else listened to me at all. That said, he was completely unhelpful and unprofessional. The main problem was that he had a more casual relationship with me than I think any therapist should, even those who practice humanistic therapy (my current therapist does, but there are still clear boundaries). He revealed a lot about his personal life even though I didn't ask for it (though nothing particularly vulnerable, just irrelevant and unprofessional), would steer conversations towards casual and unsubstantial topics and would do much more talking than listening (for a therapist anyway). I don't think he really understood me, but I was young and lonely so I bonded with him all the same. I think I reminded him of his son a lot — though I also think he projected a lot about his son onto me because we were superficially similar though I don't think we actually were at a deeper level — who he was kinda disappointed in, and so he treated me more like a surrogate son than a client (in terms of the kind of advice he gave and the topics that came up, though he never tried to strike up any relationship with me outside the office).
We did talk about legitimate therapy stuff, but it was probably only half the time, and not consistently, and he didn't really get me anyway as he projected his son's issues onto me, I think.
It kind of terrifies me to think of what would have happened if he didn't get sick: would I have wasted years on him instead of seeking new help? Would I have become disillusioned with therapy and not made an effort and live in ever worsening anxiety? I'm uncomfortable saying it, but him getting cancer was a *very* good thing for my life. Given that I wasn't too upset by him getting sick and dying in the end, I suppose I at some level realized it wasn't a good therapist-client relationship.
MapWater says
I would have forgone school and University to meet my grandfather before he died. To this day, I cannot escape the guilt over his passing mere weeks before I was to fly to Scotland and meet him. I never will.
Hirundo Bos says
I wasn’t a very nice person in my early twenties, and did things that caused a lot of harm to others. Those things, I would be happy to undo. All the other stuff in my life, good and bad, I would keep. I believe strongly that they both belong to me.
Bas Kleijweg says
Very little, but doing more with my free time during later highschool/early uni would be a starter. Festivals, volunteering, boards: so much fun stuff that it could have found if I'd looked a bit harder.
eselle28 says
Wow, a Doctor Who episode I thoroughly enjoyed. It's been a very long time since there was one of those. It had lots of Clara in it and I still liked it. I even liked her. I'm not sure that's ever happened.
WeeBoy says
I had a crush on the All Black fullback. I was 9 years old and the power of my obsession could have moved mountains. I mainly crushed on rugby players, which was deemed acceptable by our weird heteronormative society because they were supposed to be every boy's hero.
I didn't tell my friends about the kissy thoughts I had. But from 8-12ish I had a LOT of kissy thoughts about rugby players.
embertine says
To be fair, THIGHS. Even my lesbian exGF liked rugby players a bit, because of THIGHS.
MapWater says
Stressing about work, about the Scottish Independence vote and I'm having an in characteristic bout of frustration about being single.
The first two I can deal with, the latter is just so pointless to worry about for me that it only makes it feel worse.
But, to avoid sounding like I'm just being a sook about nonsense, I'm getting promoted at work which is nice.
HermitTheToad says
"I'm having an in characteristic bout of frustration about being single."
http://rs1img.memecdn.com/too-all-single-meme-cen…
http://rs1img.memecdn.com/you-got-it-sun-is-hot-n…
"I'm getting promoted at work which is nice."
http://www.troll.me/images/victory-baby/worked-ha…
http://memecrunch.com/meme/19W34/promotion/image….
Gentleman Johnny says
Five Things I Learned As The Internet's Most Hated Person
by Zoe Quinn
On Cracked
This made my morning. http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-things-i-learned-as…
eselle28 says
Holy shit, some of those comments. And they called her father?
rebootI730 says
These people are off the hook petty and a bit disturbed. Scary thing is, out and about in the real world they probably pass for normal, everyday, non vendatta capable people.
I know this is heresy in these parts, but it blows me away that people went this whacko and malicious over video games. I mean, I like games, but to go crazy vendetta over entertainment seems batshit to me. It is not like she (or Anita Sarkeesian) are commanders of ISIL (a group whose identities I can understand outing) or something. It just seems…disproportionate
@kleenestar says
Not heresy to me. My livelihood depends on games and I still find it batshit (and very disturbing).
LordAzazel says
Meh. I shouldn't have, but I read some of the comments on the article. Pretty much spoiled my morning. Still the same old slutshaming witch hunt.
Of course, Zoe Quinn herself still sexually harassed Wolf Wozniak at a wedding, and he was still pretty much instantly silenced like victims of harassment always are, so forgive me for not really liking to see articles written by her anymore.
I'd hoped finally everyone would've moved on by now.
HermitTheToad says
Man, she's tough. Anyone still standing after that amount of unwarranted vitriol is.
Isn't there anything that can be done to support people like Zoe in online spaces? Is it unrealistic to ask for measures to censor these online hate groups?
Gentleman Johnny says
By and large its being done. Use the Report button.
rebootI730 says
Use the report button and use your words when you see this kind of thing. Here is a link to some tactics: http://diversity.missouri.edu/learn/speaking-up.p…
And if someone calls you a White Knight, ignore them. It is the same as being called a $insert ethnic slur lover in civil rights, a way to try and shame supporters into silence.
eselle28 says
I think I need to take a break from online dating. I lost my temper last night and replied to all my messages, including ones that would normally warrant a "block." Still considering whether I want to wade through the replies to my replies.
enail0_o says
That must have been extremely satisfying. Probably best to block the aftermath, though :\
eselle28 says
90% satisfying. 10% cringing at a couple of otherwise nice-seeming men who got responses questioning whether they'd seen things like "near me" or the age range in my profile.
Yeah, I think I'm going to delete all of them…and then maybe log off for awhile, because I don't think I have the sense of humor to deal with online dating at the moment.
enail0_o says
Sounds like that's probably wise.
Marques Watson says
I don't remember who my first fictional crush, but my first RL one was a girl in a few of my middle school classes named Sarah. As expected by people who know better, it didn't exactly go well.
All I've had are my crushes, though. I've never had the luxury of a first date with anyone, let alone anything more romantic or sexual T_T