How To Pick Up Girls At Comic Cons



Wait, you want more than that? Shit. Fine.

“What are you talking about, Dr. NerdLove?” I hear you ask. “Sure, we see the wisdom in your last post on a similar subject, but surely this is different!”

“Yes,” I’d say. “And quit trying to bait me into that old-ass joke.”

I’ve been in comics and anime fandom long enough to remember the old adage “There is no sex at the comic con”, back when the odds of finding a girl – that wasn’t someone’s mom and/or ride – at a fandom convention was roughly as likely as finding Henry Rollins nodding along to a Michael Bolton song. But now, especially with the rise of manga and anime, girls have started flooding into fandom! Geek girls, even! Cosplay encourages otherwise shy, retiring girls to dress to accent their most common super power! Anime cons have the surprisingly co-ed hentai rooms! The dances! Men in kilts and women with leaf-blowers! The black-market Hello Kitty vibrators! Surely comic conventions must have become Hedonism for Nerds, right?

And I reply “I told you I’m not going to make that goddamn joke, so stop trying.”

Here’s the thing: I have had a lot of experiences at conventions, as attendee, panelist and vendor. In spite of my own guidelines, I have had several hook-ups at conventions that went quite swimmingly. I’ve also had several that didn’t go nearly as well. Occasionally quite violently and all over the place. And in my experiences and never-humble-opinion, comic conventions are a poor place to look for sex and especially for any relationships that are going to last longer than that weekend.

So as every geek-related industry gears up for Nerdi Gras (aka San Diego Comic-Con) this week, allow me to present

The 5 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Try To Pick Up Girls at Comic Cons

5) The Logistics Are Against You.

Comic conventions, especially the larger ones, are loud, crowded and almost absurdly expensive. Even with the convention discount, travel and lodging is going to eat up a not-insignificant amount of your money before you even get to the con. And the most common way of defraying expenses at the convention?

Sharing a room with half a dozen of your closest friends. And their halitosis, questionable bathroom habits and the occasional semi-intelligent life form that evolved out of the melange of junk food and soda you and your buddies brought with you to the con, contributing to a mess that will send most hotel maids screaming into the night.  So you’re going to have to coordinate with all your friends to get even a vestige of privacy – many of whom who have the same goal you do. And even if you do manage to get some alone-time, you’re going to have to convince the girl you’re with that she really does want to get naked in a room that looks like the aftermath of a Delta party before they get set on double-secret probation.

No problem, just go to her place, right?

Yeah, not so much, Romeo. She’s in exactly the same boat you are. And while you may have convinced your friends that helping you get laid is a noble goal, her friends aren’t going to be quite as obliging. If you thought a girl’s friends were roving cock-blocks in bars, you’ve never seen girls trying to protect their friend from making a mistake at the con.

Are there exceptions? Of course there are. But honestly, do you really want to bank on having somehow stumbled into a wacky teen romance instead of reality?

4) They’ve Heard It All Before

There’s nothing like taking poorly socialized nerds and attractive women – geek or otherwise – and cramming them into the pressure-cooker environment that is your average con. Somehow this convinces even the most femme-phobic guy that he can win over the heart of his favorite webcomic author with the right combination of arrogance, disdain and an encyclopedic knowledge of Tennant-era Dr. Who. Meanwhile, the model-actress-whatevers who’ve been hired as booth babes to shill for which ever corporation is trying to cynically milk the nerd-dollar are developing that dead thousand-yard stare that is normally found in Vietnam vets as they try to keep their rictus-like grin pasted on while posing for photos with increasingly handsy (and sweaty) nerds as they run down the list of poor life-choices that lead to them being on the con floor and praying for the sweet release of death. And the cosplay girls may like the attention, but it only takes one or two bad pick-up lines based on poorly-thought out puns about their character’s powers before they start wishing they could kill people with their brain.

And then there’re the guys who got their ideas on how to pick up women from anime. Anime of all things. Why would you do this? WHY? Oh God, someone bring Daddy his special medicine. It’s in the bottle marked “Jefferson’s Reserve”.


Basically, there are very good reasons why most women at conventions are not going to appreciate your hitting on them; you may think that you’re Studly GoodNight, but to them you’re probably #6557 in a series of dudes who’ve already pissed them off that day. You’re behind before you even start.

3) You’re Competing With Everyone Else’s Mistakes

Let me take a second to talk about the idea of “male privilege”. Male privilege means never worrying about being alone in an elevator with a stranger. Male privilege means not having to do a calculus of risks whenever you’ve been invited to a party. It’s not having to deal with people having pre-supposed rights to your person, or having to worry what messages you might be making about your sexual availability. You aren’t going to have people assume you’ve gotten to wherever you are in the industry by sleeping with someone, have your work denigrated because of your sex and  you’re not likely to be harassed in what should be a safe space.

I’m not bringing this up to be the White Knight, protesting against the horrible things that are done to women, but to bring up a certain point: these are the sorts of things guys don’t have to think of. Women do. And all of this is going to inform everything a woman does, especially at a convention.

Remember what I said above about poorly socialized nerds and high-pressure environments? Yeah.

There are a surprisingly large number of nightmare stories for women at cons, ranging from the misguided (The Open-Source Boob Project) to the boorish (being sexually harassed by guests) to the hideous (stalkers, sexual assault). Every story a woman will have heard about someone being groped, harassed, or in some cases raped at conventions? Guess what, chief? These are the standards everything you do is going to be filtered through.

One of my good female friends spent a convention hiding in her room when a guy she met – and liked, initially – crossed the line into creepy-stalker when he didn’t seem to process that she wasn’t going to hook up with him that night. He thought he was being charming and seductive. She was legitimately frightened by his unwillingness to take “no” as a clue to stop pushing. You think you’re being charming when you’re asking for her e-mail, but the way you’re coming across if you’re not careful is asking “Does this smell like chloroform to you?” You think you’re inviting her to a room party (in the hopes of eventually clearing the room when the Enigma track comes on *wink wink*) can sound a lot like “Wanna come back to my rape dungeon?”

Is it fair? Nope. But you wouldn’t think that people would seriously try to implement the Open-Source Boob Project either.

2) Someone Sent Us Up The Drama Bomb

So taking a step back from the loaded topic of privilege and women and look at another aspect of why cons are bad places to try to pick up women:

Conventions are like hot houses for drama. It is like some sort of experimental lab that develops new, stronger and more virulent forms of drama that occasionally manage to escape and infect the general public. I have seen lifelong friendships end and marriages dissolve. I have watched entire relationships start and end over the course of a weekend. There was one con where I saw a guy and girl meet cute on Thursday night. By Friday, they had declared that theirs is a love that shall last FOREVERRRRRRR! By Saturday he caught her flirting with the cute guy in the HalloweenTown Sora costume and by Saturday night he’s crying into his Coke Zero that he’ll never love again, while she’s busy wondering what names she and Sora are gonna give their kids.

The larger the con, the greater the drama. Everybody’s been running around all day. They’re insanely busy whether they’re a guest of the con, a vendor or an attendee. Everyone’s suffering from little sleep, shitty food, entirely too much booze the night before and the vague feeling that money’s draining out of their pockets. Nobody is firing on all cylinders. Nerves are frayed, tempers are on a hair trigger, I’m nowhere near making my table fees back, my girlfriend is laughing a little too much at that guy’s jokes and why is she rubbing the chest of some dude dressed like Hawkman and I just can’t deal with your shit right now do you fucking mind??!


1) That’s Not Why They’re Here (or: You’re Missing The Point)

Going to cons to get laid is a lot like going visting California in order to go panning for gold. You can do it and maybe even find something but that’s not really the reason to go. The vast, vast majority of people at the convention aren’t there looking for love or even a good 30 minutes between panels. They’re there to hang out with friends, see some of their favorite creators, dress up in costumes, connect with their fans, sell their work, pimp their art, find a job… Focusing on trying to get laid (or finding a Nerd Girlfriend) is missing the forest for the trees, and your insistance is possibly hindering others from enjoying their con experience. While you’re busy trying to flirt with the cute author of your favorite webcomic, she is likely wishing you’d wrap it up and buy something already, or at least get out of the way and stop driving off the other potential customers. Time spent stalking the con floor looking for love is time you’re not spending in panels or meeting that artist who drew your favorite comic or finally tracking down a bootleg of that TV show you loved as a kid.

Do people get laid at cons? Yes, of course they do. Do people meet their future spouses there? Again, yes. But that’s not the point of going to them, and you’re doing a disservice to yourself by trying to treat it like the club scene with added otaku and Twilight knockoffs. Don’t go to cons with the intention of trying to score, and you’ll probably have a much better time. And get me one of those limited editionLocke and Key model keys while you’re there, will ya?

  • Pete

    "Focusing on trying to get laid (or finding a Nerd Girlfriend) is missing the forest for the trees"

    I've never thought about it like that before. I've been going to comic con since I was 13 (San Diego native) and every year I have always been looking for that nerdy girl. Maybe I'll actually be able to enjoy it this time.

    Also quick question, I've read your other articles and in one you said high school is not a crucial time in ones life. I agree, but would you say college is?

  • Boatloads

    Wait, what joke are you talking about? This I gotta hear.

  • n8

    Are you kidding? you've never heard that joke before, Boatloads? Surely, you must be kidding…

    [WORDPRESS HASHCASH] The poster sent us '0 which is not a hashcash value.

  • Barbara

    In fandom, it definitely pays to be a girl. We're outnumbered by the guys. The only problems girls have is that sometimes guys have a totally unrealistic idea of what girls are ideal for them. I know of several guys looking for bablicious booty when you just know that the superficial cheerleader types are just not going to go for these geeky guys. Geeky girls like geeky guys, and once they actually look at us, we're pretty damn good. I found my guy through fandom, but not at a convention; however, we just had a couple get married in our club who met at a convention, so it does work.

    [WORDPRESS HASHCASH] The poster sent us '0 which is not a hashcash value.

  • Lee

    THANK YOU for talking about male privilege and the things women have to think about that guys don't. I've dived out of an elevator as the doors were closing because a skeezy guy got on and there was no one else in it — better to wait for the next one than to take the risk.

    One of the reasons I've always gone to cons is to meet up with old friends and make new ones. Some of those friends have turned into more than friends, but that's something which can't be forced.

    [WORDPRESS HASHCASH] The poster sent us '0 which is not a hashcash value.

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  • I have 2 storys for you. The first one is fairly short.

    1: I(a male) have been taken advantage of by would be admires of my cosplay (last year a ran around with a computer monitor on my head). Just hanging out with some single serving weekend friends i had made at the begging of the con when a female comes up and asks for a picture and a hug, this having happened several times before i thought nothing of it. after the picture she hugs me and as she's pulling back she decided it was a good idea to grope me, by massaging my chest. she then precedes to hug my friends and leave. after she had left i ask them if they too had been groped, with the collective response of no i had no idea whether to be flattered or violated.

    2:Its the middle of the night and im still at the con i run into a guy i met earlier cosplaying as Spike Spiegel (Cowboy Bebop), and he tells me this story. He decides, for a laugh, to go to the anime speed dating, while hes there he meets this girl who sort of clings to him even after speed dating had ended. She ends up following him until she is distracted by a furry and according to him "the stars aligned… or some shit" as the crowd in front of him parts enough for him to quickly make his way through and escape to the rave which was going on at the time. and he meets this sexy scantily clad cosplayer who he starts getting frisky with. However before he's able to make a solid move he hears the "you cheating son of a bitch, you know i have abandonment issues". looking over he sees the girl who he previously had escaped. the girl he was dancing with now disgusted leaves. and he is now tired and annoyed. (story aint over yet, and thank you for flying air eden) The con has ended and im ridding to the airport( to drop off a friend) there are three of us in the car, my friend who i knew from high school, this girl who i had met earlier through the high school friend, and I. So i decide to break up the dull tiered silence with Spikes story, and as i reach the climax my friend proclaims aloud "that psycho cock blocking bitch!" and right then the girl punches him in the arm and thats when i realized who the story was about.

    The End.

    P.S. thank you for reading all the way through (if you did)


    IDK I sat next to a HOTT AZN dark phoenix for the whole day @ Hall H & we played batman & catwoman (cat& mouse) @ SDCC floor the next two days now we are friends the blueprint of meeting this girl was geeking out having a good time Harris is right. Be settle Confidence is KEY but too much confidence leads to arrogance which is a big mistake

  • Tony

    I've never tried hitting on women at conventions because I'm to busy trying NOT to die by being crushed to death. That being said, I've made some good friends over the years male/female just from shooting the shit with random people while in lines. The "Man's Privilege" thing however is why I ALWAYS make sure female friends are never alone when I can help it and why I gave my sister a pepper spray and spring loaded baton to keep in her purse at all times…

    • Karis

      Props for being a good friend and bro.

    • jamez

      Good idea on the pepper spray, but maybe not so much on the spring loaded batton. Those things are usually illegal to carry around if you’re not a cop or a licensed (and on duty) security guard. Trust me, I’ve been arrested for having one.

  • Yuki

    What about girls who go to anime conventions who want to be picked up?

    • Dr. NerdLove

      Anime conventions seem to be their own beast. I'm old enough to remember when "There is no sex at the anime con" wasn't irony. Then the last time I went to A-Kon it was like nerd Hedonism.

    • Lizzie

      Along with what Dr. NerdLove has already said in reply and in his post about not trying to force it and just have fun.

      Have you thought about making the first move? I'm a very shy person myself, but if I want it as badly as it sounds like you do…I gulp or shake nervously or whatever it is and just say it "I'm not expecting anything, but I'd love to go out sometime if you want to"

    • aslinncosplay

      Trust me, these girls are maybe 1% of the female con-going population. I am a cosplayer, I am there to cosplay, hang out with my friends and buy stuff I probably don't need. I am not there to look for guys, and the absolute LAST thing on my mind is picking someone up/being picked up. I am more likely to get extremely rude and tell you fuck off because I do not WANT to be treated that way. That is not why I am there. It is the same for every other girl I know who attends cons; and most girls I know are also usually already in relationships. Just keep your hands to yourself (it is acceptable to put your arm around someone's shoulder when taking photos), as well as your pick up lines.

  • HebiR

    Thank you for #3. Look, guys, we know it isn't fair, but we're a bit too burned and shy.

  • Gotta say i couldnt have heard it better myself. I've been going to cons for nearly 10 years now. Never went to get laid, actually went to see all my old friends i get to see once a year. And yes the truth hurts!,Most wont get any tail unless they bought it from a vendor. even more so some of the girls there may be underage so WATCH OUT!! Non the less enjoy every con you go too with wide eyes and see all the crazy things that really happen when you least expect it. Gotta say this year at radcon was the first time i ever attempted a toga, yup we got pictures. but that memory will last a life time. And if you do get lucky do yourself a big favor! keep it to yourself..your friends dont wanna know about it and it causes less drama! Anyhoo thanks for the lesson on Cons, it was epic!

  • I've never gone to a con looking for love or other, I just love showing off my Cosplay skills. But I got lucky and met my now husband at Sakuracon 2 years ago. We met at the Masquerade Ball on friday night. It worked because neither of us was looking for a "hookup", and he did not act like a creeper. He protected me from the bad kind of attention for the rest of the con because he was carrying a giant gun, so it all worked out!

  • Blair

    i have 2 short stories for you lonely gentlemen.

    1. one of my good friends met her now boyfriend of 2 years at a con. long distance relationship but they enjoy each other. all they did was start talking about how much they love each others costumes.

    2. i was grabbed and held tightly by a stranger who only laughed at my obvious discomfort and *fear* at that same con one year later while just waiting in line. that aint how you pick up ladies.

    so basically don't be afraid to talk to a girl! you could have a hook up (or more). treat us like people and you will probably stand out from the other drooling misogynists. its really sad but true. respect is all we want. BUT KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF.

  • Blair

    while i agree with your point, i just want to say that just because a woman is "babilicious" does not make her stupid. these things are not exclusive.

    • Erica

      There is a direct correlation between beauty and shallowness and pickiness and greed.

  • It bothers me a little at the assumption in the comments that women are going to cons specifically to get attention or to get free drinks or other freebies from male admirers. I go to conventions and nerd events because I'm a nerd. I'm in a relationship but even if I wasn't I would still be going to cons because I want to see the stuff at the cons. And yeah, I like meeting people and having conversations with guys (and girls) at conventions but blatant attempts at hitting on me are going to be met with rejection because it's skeezy.

  • After reading this article and looking back on my convention travels, I can safely say that these words are cornucopia of truth. If a still-reforming serial-offender can offer any advice, it is to not go to these conventions for the sole reason of trying to get-laid. Hang-Out, have fun with friends, fulfill your Press Pass Requirements, market your talents, network with like-minded people, sell your product and win your Convention-Related Rewards. I'm not sure whether doing this stuff with get you laid or not, but you'll you won't put yourself in a place where you don't get a goodnight's sleep for 7 days because you feel so fucking guilty over the situation.

  • CPH

    Amen to this, and #1 beong the most important point, also applies to women working in many other situations. E.g. don't hit on waitresses at hooters. Sadly, it's a lesson people just don't learn.

  • Tim

    I think the crux of the matter is that at comic cons there are going to be a lot of unattractive guys outnumbering (mostly relatively attractive) women. That factor alone is the overwhelming cause of the dynamic that exists at comic cons. The other reasons listed in this article are just by-products.

    The unattractive and the over-supplied have to consider a lot of things and think many times before making a move.

    • Erica

      There are just as many overweight unattractive women at cons as men.

  • Nathan

    I think that it is reasonable for a guy or girl to have the subconcious desire to get laid at any kind of social gathering, especially Cons, I mean what are the fundamentals of the datig scene? Finding things in common happens to be up there IMO and I think that if people of either gender cant figure out the line between a harmless flirtation(and gauge a negative response) they just aren’t doing it right. Picking up anyone requires you to know a lost cause and to not be a total goober about it. Example, I may strike up 20 or 30 conversations with different girls before I find one that I think I can talk to long enough to even want to spend the night with, and as a rule, if I feel comfortable chatting to a girl for more than 10 minutes then I think I’m I’m with a reasonable chance. Play the odds and don’t be a tool. I thought I’d add some positive advice on here.

  • You know, I wish I read this before I made a move at the con. I mean I am somewhat attractive but I have unfortunately created a negative rep over the years because of me being a shameless handsy nerd.

    • alex

      the original author is a whiny bitch

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  • Erica

    Nerdlove does a bait and switch: “how to get laid at cons” becomes “don’t, but I did”.

    So what’s good for him isn’t good for everyone else. People with no game or are hideous don’t get laid at cons. Since I live in San Diego and many or most comiccon attendees live in so cal I can get a number and meet a girl after con. The same is true for every con. I’m guessing the following guys have no problems meeting women at cons: artists/writers that shes into, wears cosplay she’s into, at a booth/panel she’s into, looks she likes, working at the con, shares same interests, can make good conversation. Also having no standards is key for getting laid at cons. As Nerdlove mentioned, the hot girls get hit on constantly and have boyfriends/husbands.

  • Erica

    Male privilege is a myth. Learn self defense.

  • " these are the sorts of things guys don’t have to think of. Women do."

    No, they don't. Statistics show quite clearly that most women will never be assaulted, sexually or otherwise, in their lifetimes. Even the most inflated of stats (including the insane and completely disproven 1 in 5) still leave an 80% chance that nothing will happen.

    The media has worked very hard to make sure that we are all afraid that terrorists will crash your plane, unhappy nerds will shoot up your school, chicken flu will infect us all, genetically "modified" food will poison us and that behind every corner lies a man waiting to rape women. It's not true. Any of it.

    The more we talk about this supposed male privilege, the more the fear-mongers win. Stop it now and we might have a chance of raising a generation of kids who don't see the boogeyman behind every door.

    • One_True_Guest

      I don't know a single woman (including myself) who hasn't had a man grope her, or push her up against a wall against her wishes, or force her to kiss him. I myself last summer was stalked by a man. And that doesn't include the actual sexual assaults many of my friends have experienced. You enjoy your stats, I'll stick with my lived experiences and the lived experiences of my female friends. And I'm definitely going to trust my own personal experiences over some person on the internet telling me not to worry, that the things that have happened in my daily life aren't a big deal and are nothing to worry about and take cautionary steps about when I'm in public because the media has blown things out of proportion.

      • What you are referring to is called "anecdotal evidence". In scientific terms, it means nothing. It is opinion, nothing more.

        • Georgia_D

          Sure it's anecdotal evidence but it's also lived experience. (I'm not actually sure why you're bring up science People aren't science. Cultures aren't studied by scientists, they're studied by sociologists or anthropologist and sure they try to be objective but they use observation and people's stories not science as far as I'm aware [being neither a sociologist nor an anthropologist])

          I've had many years of groping and nasty words and I've been raped twice. I'm not particularly worried about terrorists but I am more cautious of men than women because of my experiences. I don't think that people talking about rape culture is building a bogeyman I think it's exposing it.

          • "Sure it's anecdotal evidence but it's also lived experience. "

            Which doesn't make it true for all people, which, buy saying that "women have to worry about this stuff" is what this article claims.

            You tell us you've been raped twice. That's terrible and I don't blame you for being cautious of men. I've had a man with a guy come into my place of work and start shooting. So I'm a little nervous about strangers I see in my building.

            (con't below)

          • But our experiences (yours and mine) aren't typical. Most women will not be raped. Most people won't have someone come into their workplace and start shooting at staff. But stats show those things don't happen often. People should be more worried about getting in a car accident than being raped or having a workplace shooting. The time we spend worrying, and dealing with those worrying thoughts (by changing our behavior to avoid the potential future event) would be better spent taking driving lessons.

            Writers who tell us we should worry about these things are looking to sell copy at any cost. What you end up with is a population who worries about the boogyman instead of spending time fixing actual societal problems.

            You and I will spend time worrying about the terrible things that happened to us. We're human and there's nothing much for it, but for us to endorse or encourage others to worry about these rare occurrences isn't the right thing to do.

          • One_True_Guest

            See as far as I know, being harassed and assaulted are typical. I'm sorry, can you show me the stats you're using that proves very few women experience these things?

            Also for the record, I'm a very careful driver. I can be a careful driver and mindful walking by myself late at night. I can take extra classes to drive on ice and also not go to a man's home on the first date (assuming that's the first time I"ve ever met him). We can take precautions on all things without turning into a quivering mess of insecurity. I can't say for sure, but I'd be hard pressed to find people who go out and meet more strangers and party etc than I do. I can have a life and still be careful.

          • "I'm sorry, can you show me the stats you're using that proves very few women experience these things?"

            No. The article (and you) make a claim that it happens. It is up to you to prove that it does, not me to prove that it doesn't. Anyone can make a claim. I could claim that the moon is made of green cheese. Without data to back that up, I'm the one in the wrong, not those who think it is something else.

          • jcorozza

            Except you're the one claiming the 1 in 5 number is "inflated" and "disproven"…

          • eselle28

            The likelihood that a woman will be raped at some point in her lifetime is about 1 in 5. I suspect that's a considerably higher rate than that at which someone might experience a workplace shooting. If you add in situations of sexual harassment or of being on a date that turned sexually threatening or coercive that that didn't result in a rape, I suspect you're going to find a considerably higher number of women have had these experiences.

            I assure you that the vast majority of women aren't spending hours at home constructing barricades or anti-rape devices. They're making small choices like choosing to meet their dates rather than be picked up and declining invitations to come over and play video games as first dates. That doesn't take a lot of time, and the only loss from it is that some men may find these precautions a turn off and that some opportunities for dating may be loss. I'm quite fine with this risk, given that most of these opportunities will involve men who are either intentionally trying to push boundaries or prone to social blunders. Frankly, most women I know are okay with the tradeoff as well – they'd prefer to live in a world where sexual assault wasn't so common, but if they must, they'd rather make their own decisions about precautions than have men instruct them they're taking too many or not enough.

            I think you're also very wrong about the extent to which the media is creating these fears. I learned these fears from other women who were older than me and had had their own experiences, way back in the day when date rape was still a comedy device and having sex with someone who was unconscious wasn't widely considered to be a crime.

          • You're missing my point.

            From the article: "Male privilege means never worrying about being alone in an elevator with a stranger."

            This is not the 1 in 5 stat. Most women are raped by people they know. They have practically nothing to fear from a stranger in an elevator. The article states otherwise. And they're wrong to do so.

          • eselle28

            Your realize that if a man invites a woman to his room for coffee, she accepts, and he rapes her, that wouldn't be counted as a stranger rape, right? That goes into the realm of a date rape. So would most interactions with men a woman might meet at cons. Not giving men who don't come with much social proof a chance to know you is one strategy for protecting yourself.

            Beyond the actual rape count, which tends to be a tougher thing for complete strangers to accomplish for logistical reasons, there are all kinds of quicker-to-perform sexual assaults that are more commonly performed by strangers. In addition to being repeatedly raped as a child, I've also had a man on the subway shove his fingers up my vagina and have had my tits and ass grabbed enough times that I can't even provide exact numbers on either. Those are much more realistic incidents to fear on an elevator.

          • Georgia_D

            Starting from the age of twelve men and boys have invaded my personal space without any remorse as though it were their right. I don't take being raped as isolated and rare experiences, I take them as escalation of years of unwanted touching and words. Men are dangerous to me. It's not something I dwell on, it's just something I'm aware of so that when I meet someone who doesn't respect small boundaries I remember they may not respect more important boundaries such as consent.

          • "Men are dangerous to me."

            I'm sorry you feel that way. Though that may be the case for you personally, the data overwhelming shows that it is not the case for most other women. If you have data that shows otherwise, please present it.

        • I think you lose your right to be taken seriously about science when you casually dismiss the best available data on this issue in favor of what seems to be nothing more than your personal and highly uninformed opinion, and demonstrate a total lack of understanding of how examining lived experience can enhance large-scale statistical studies (and of course vice versa).

          • What data? If you can find data that shows that a large number of women are raped by strangers, I'd love to see it.

            The most recent data shows that sexual violence committed against people is nearly always by someone the victim knows. Not a stranger they met at a convention.

            Women do not need to look behind every corner for their 1 in 5 chance to be raped, as this article suggests.

          • Jess

            Nope, sorry, not worth my time. Maybe someone else can explain to you that you're reading the text so narrowly as to be laughable.

          • No worries. I didn't really expect you would. I've had this discussion with women and white knights many times. They all bail at the point at which they are actually expected to produce data or even a simple citation to an article that contains data.

            I'll just leave by saying that the idea that men are the reprehensible creatures that the fear-mongers make them out to be is both ludicrous and sexist. I'll also leave this here, but I doubt you'll read it:

          • eselle28

            I don't see how that refutes the point that women who choose to be careful are behaving in a reasonable way. If anything, I'd say that it makes a point for people being made more aware that men are also sexually assaulted, so that men have better information to work with in deciding how many and what risks to take.

            This isn't meant to shame anyone who assesses their risks and chooses to take some. Most of us do that. But this data suggests to me that men might not be working with a full picture of risks and risk prevention, probably because society often pushes the idea that men can't be raped.

          • Thank you for reading that with an open mind.

            I'll do you the same courtesy. I agree that what you're saying could be true. But, the opposite side of the argument is that the data is inflated on both sides (as the author of the article suggests). I prefer that side of it (because it makes people into nicer creatures – something I admit I have an emotional preference for) and until we have more folks looking into it, we'll not know for sure.


          • eselle28

            As you prefer that, you're welcome to take fewer precautions.

            I'm just fine with the ones that I take. If this is a matter of us not knowing for sure, I think it's the polite response for people to respect everyone else's decisions rather than to complain about precautions that only affect them in terms of limiting their sexual opportunities.

          • Jess

            Aw, honey, all that tells me is that other people expect to find talking to you as tedious as I do. Full credit to those willing to try nonetheless, though.

            (Also, since you're new here, I'll just mention that I have a doctorate in psychology and I've read and analyzed the original studies that Time is summarizing, in addition to a number of others on the same topic. But even if you weren't clearly tedious as fuck, I also have a newborn and therefore have better uses for my time than rehashing previous conversations for the benefit of some random dude.)

          • Wow. Ad Hominem and Appeal to Authority all in one reply. Well done.

            Newborn, huh? Well, let's just chalk your outburst up to hormones and call it a day.

          • eselle28

            Oh, aren't you precious. Bless your heart.

          • Dr_NerdLove

            Right, you’ve just had your one warning. Pulling the “you’re just hormonal” line isn’t going to win you any friends around here, least of all with me. Any more bullshit like that and you’re yanked.<p style=”color:#000;”>

          • lol

            Erase the entire thread and ban me if you like. I came across this horror show of a blog by accident and now that I've had my fun, I'm happy to be long gone from it.

          • Dr_NerdLove

            Yes, it was very clever of you to show up and make us think you were an asshole. Bravo sir, truly nobody else has ever accomplished the sublime act of “being a dick online” as you have.So long and thanks for all the page views!

          • Gentleman Johnny

            Oh, you're leaving. Excellent.

  • Neurotic Knight

    Here is a tip, cosplay, if you are a good cosplayer, women will approach you and then you speak to them, get number whatever, i met plenty of women at comicon and reason was i was a cosplayer. if you think cosplay is weird or are not into nerdy stuff, why are you even trying to attract nerdy women.

  • Thanos350