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Don’t.
Wait, you want more than that? Shit. Fine.
“What are you talking about, Dr. NerdLove?” I hear you ask. “Sure, we see the wisdom in your last post on a similar subject, but surely this is different!”
“Yes,” I’d say. “And quit trying to bait me into that old-ass joke.”
I’ve been in comics and anime fandom long enough to remember the old adage ”There is no sex at the comic con”, back when the odds of finding a girl – that wasn’t someone’s mom and/or ride – at a fandom convention was roughly as likely as finding Henry Rollins nodding along to a Michael Bolton song. But now, especially with the rise of manga and anime, girls have started flooding into fandom! Geek girls, even! Cosplay encourages otherwise shy, retiring girls to dress to accent their most common super power! Anime cons have the surprisingly co-ed hentai rooms! The dances! Men in kilts and women with leaf-blowers! The black-market Hello Kitty vibrators! Surely comic conventions must have become Hedonism for Nerds, right?
And I reply “I told you I’m not going to make that goddamn joke, so stop trying.”
Here’s the thing: I have had a lot of experiences at conventions, as attendee, panelist and vendor. In spite of my own guidelines, I have had several hook-ups at conventions that went quite swimmingly. I’ve also had several that didn’t go nearly as well. Occasionally quite violently and all over the place. And in my experiences and never-humble-opinion, comic conventions are a poor place to look for sex and especially for any relationships that are going to last longer than that weekend.
So as every geek-related industry gears up for Nerdi Gras (aka San Diego Comic-Con) this week, allow me to present
The 5 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Try To Pick Up Girls at Comic Cons
5) The Logistics Are Against You.
Comic conventions, especially the larger ones, are loud, crowded and almost absurdly expensive. Even with the convention discount, travel and lodging is going to eat up a not-insignificant amount of your money before you even get to the con. And the most common way of defraying expenses at the convention?
Sharing a room with half a dozen of your closest friends. And their halitosis, questionable bathroom habits and the occasional semi-intelligent life form that evolved out of the melange of junk food and soda you and your buddies brought with you to the con, contributing to a mess that will send most hotel maids screaming into the night. So you’re going to have to coordinate with all your friends to get even a vestige of privacy – many of whom who have the same goal you do. And even if you do manage to get some alone-time, you’re going to have to convince the girl you’re with that she really does want to get naked in a room that looks like the aftermath of a Delta party before they get set on double-secret probation.
No problem, just go to her place, right?
Yeah, not so much, Romeo. She’s in exactly the same boat you are. And while you may have convinced your friends that helping you get laid is a noble goal, her friends aren’t going to be quite as obliging. If you thought a girl’s friends were roving cock-blocks in bars, you’ve never seen girls trying to protect their friend from making a mistake at the con.
Are there exceptions? Of course there are. But honestly, do you really want to bank on having somehow stumbled into a wacky teen romance instead of reality?
4) They’ve Heard It All Before
There’s nothing like taking poorly socialized nerds and attractive women – geek or otherwise – and cramming them into the pressure-cooker environment that is your average con. Somehow this convinces even the most femme-phobic guy that he can win over the heart of his favorite webcomic author with the right combination of arrogance, disdain and an encyclopedic knowledge of Tennant-era Dr. Who. Meanwhile, the model-actress-whatevers who’ve been hired as booth babes to shill for which ever corporation is trying to cynically milk the nerd-dollar are developing that dead thousand-yard stare that is normally found in Vietnam vets as they try to keep their rictus-like grin pasted on while posing for photos with increasingly handsy (and sweaty) nerds as they run down the list of poor life-choices that lead to them being on the con floor and praying for the sweet release of death. And the cosplay girls may like the attention, but it only takes one or two bad pick-up lines based on poorly-thought out puns about their character’s powers before they start wishing they could kill people with their brain.
And then there’re the guys who got their ideas on how to pick up women from anime. Anime of all things. Why would you do this? WHY? Oh God, someone bring Daddy his special medicine. It’s in the bottle marked “Jefferson’s Reserve”.
(ahem)
Basically, there are very good reasons why most women at conventions are not going to appreciate your hitting on them; you may think that you’re Studly GoodNight, but to them you’re probably #6557 in a series of dudes who’ve already pissed them off that day. You’re behind before you even start.
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Related posts:
“Focusing on trying to get laid (or finding a Nerd Girlfriend) is missing the forest for the trees”
I’ve never thought about it like that before. I’ve been going to comic con since I was 13 (San Diego native) and every year I have always been looking for that nerdy girl. Maybe I’ll actually be able to enjoy it this time.
Also quick question, I’ve read your other articles and in one you said high school is not a crucial time in ones life. I agree, but would you say college is?
Wait, what joke are you talking about? This I gotta hear.
Are you kidding? you’ve never heard that joke before, Boatloads? Surely, you must be kidding…
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In fandom, it definitely pays to be a girl. We’re outnumbered by the guys. The only problems girls have is that sometimes guys have a totally unrealistic idea of what girls are ideal for them. I know of several guys looking for bablicious booty when you just know that the superficial cheerleader types are just not going to go for these geeky guys. Geeky girls like geeky guys, and once they actually look at us, we’re pretty damn good. I found my guy through fandom, but not at a convention; however, we just had a couple get married in our club who met at a convention, so it does work.
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THANK YOU for talking about male privilege and the things women have to think about that guys don’t. I’ve dived out of an elevator as the doors were closing because a skeezy guy got on and there was no one else in it — better to wait for the next one than to take the risk.
One of the reasons I’ve always gone to cons is to meet up with old friends and make new ones. Some of those friends have turned into more than friends, but that’s something which can’t be forced.
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I have 2 storys for you. The first one is fairly short.
1: I(a male) have been taken advantage of by would be admires of my cosplay (last year a ran around with a computer monitor on my head). Just hanging out with some single serving weekend friends i had made at the begging of the con when a female comes up and asks for a picture and a hug, this having happened several times before i thought nothing of it. after the picture she hugs me and as she’s pulling back she decided it was a good idea to grope me, by massaging my chest. she then precedes to hug my friends and leave. after she had left i ask them if they too had been groped, with the collective response of no i had no idea whether to be flattered or violated.
2:Its the middle of the night and im still at the con i run into a guy i met earlier cosplaying as Spike Spiegel (Cowboy Bebop), and he tells me this story. He decides, for a laugh, to go to the anime speed dating, while hes there he meets this girl who sort of clings to him even after speed dating had ended. She ends up following him until she is distracted by a furry and according to him “the stars aligned… or some shit” as the crowd in front of him parts enough for him to quickly make his way through and escape to the rave which was going on at the time. and he meets this sexy scantily clad cosplayer who he starts getting frisky with. However before he’s able to make a solid move he hears the “you cheating son of a bitch, you know i have abandonment issues”. looking over he sees the girl who he previously had escaped. the girl he was dancing with now disgusted leaves. and he is now tired and annoyed. (story aint over yet, and thank you for flying air eden) The con has ended and im ridding to the airport( to drop off a friend) there are three of us in the car, my friend who i knew from high school, this girl who i had met earlier through the high school friend, and I. So i decide to break up the dull tiered silence with Spikes story, and as i reach the climax my friend proclaims aloud “that psycho cock blocking bitch!” and right then the girl punches him in the arm and thats when i realized who the story was about.
The End.
P.S. thank you for reading all the way through (if you did)
IDK I sat next to a HOTT AZN dark phoenix for the whole day @ Hall H & we played batman & catwoman (cat& mouse) @ SDCC floor the next two days now we are friends the blueprint of meeting this girl was geeking out having a good time Harris is right. Be settle Confidence is KEY but too much confidence leads to arrogance which is a big mistake
I’ve never tried hitting on women at conventions because I’m to busy trying NOT to die by being crushed to death. That being said, I’ve made some good friends over the years male/female just from shooting the shit with random people while in lines. The “Man’s Privilege” thing however is why I ALWAYS make sure female friends are never alone when I can help it and why I gave my sister a pepper spray and spring loaded baton to keep in her purse at all times…
Props for being a good friend and bro.
What about girls who go to anime conventions who want to be picked up?
Anime conventions seem to be their own beast. I’m old enough to remember when “There is no sex at the anime con” wasn’t irony. Then the last time I went to A-Kon it was like nerd Hedonism.
Thank you for #3. Look, guys, we know it isn’t fair, but we’re a bit too burned and shy.
Gotta say i couldnt have heard it better myself. I’ve been going to cons for nearly 10 years now. Never went to get laid, actually went to see all my old friends i get to see once a year. And yes the truth hurts!,Most wont get any tail unless they bought it from a vendor. even more so some of the girls there may be underage so WATCH OUT!! Non the less enjoy every con you go too with wide eyes and see all the crazy things that really happen when you least expect it. Gotta say this year at radcon was the first time i ever attempted a toga, yup we got pictures. but that memory will last a life time. And if you do get lucky do yourself a big favor! keep it to yourself..your friends dont wanna know about it and it causes less drama! Anyhoo thanks for the lesson on Cons, it was epic!
I’ve never gone to a con looking for love or other, I just love showing off my Cosplay skills. But I got lucky and met my now husband at Sakuracon 2 years ago. We met at the Masquerade Ball on friday night. It worked because neither of us was looking for a “hookup”, and he did not act like a creeper. He protected me from the bad kind of attention for the rest of the con because he was carrying a giant gun, so it all worked out!