If you want to improve at dating, you need to quit looking at success stories. Instead, you need to study mistakes. You need to make more mistakes. Most people do.
In fact, that’s one of the biggest problems I see among young men. They’re afraid of mistakes. They’re afraid to fail. But mistakes are important… in fact, they may be the most important thing when it comes to learning how to date better.
See, you don’t learn much from success1. Success is great, but success rarely teaches you how to be successful. 9 times out of 10, studying someone else’s success just teaches you how they got successful. By focusing on success and being afraid to fail, you actually rob yourself of the ability to improve. You need to make mistakes in order to learn. Otherwise you run the risk of following in the footsteps of every wannabe and never-was. At best, you can follow the overnight sensation that fucked up their sophomore effort. One bright moment of glory and then disappearing into a puff of “what might have been”.
Making mistakes, on the other hand, can teach you what you need to do to succeed… as long as you know what you’re looking for.
- And we’ll now pause to appreciate the irony of that statement from someone who touts his success as a sign of authority… [↩]