First, I’d like to say thanks. My boyfriend and I used your sex advice to save our relationship. We were long distance, and both inexperienced, and when we found your site, it made all the difference. So, thank you.
Unfortunately, this sexual awakening has bred some new problems. I’d like to underscore the fact that I am happy. I am in love 100% with him, and though we occasionally hit our road bumps, we have a very successful relationship based on equal partnership and respect. We’ve been together almost a year and a half (a year of which was long distance), and now live closer which has only strengthened our commitment. I’m writing to you because, despite my conscious brain agreeing that all is good, my subconscious brain seems to be fixated on cheating.
About 6 months ago, I started having vivid dreams every few weeks that I was cheating on him. At the time, I thought it was because of our poor sex life, but then we started fixing that and the dreams only got worse. Usually, in the dream, I’ll be with a group of people who may or may not be strangers. One of the people in that group will look or have the same name as a guy I know, and we will start conversing. Things escalate, and suddenly… well, let’s just say “sex” is putting it mildly. After we’re done, in the dream, I’ll become aware that I have a boyfriend, and that I’ve cheated. My reaction in the dream ranges from crippling guilt to promising myself to keep it secret. Sometimes, I’ll see my boyfriend in the dream afterwards, but I always wake up before he suspects anything. The real problem comes after I’m awake. I’m overwhelmed by a sense of guilt and self-hatred for my actions in the dream. Logically, I know it’s a dream and that I can’t really control it, but I’m still wracked by feelings of disgust and horror.
When they first happened, I kept my mouth shut because I didn’t want my boyfriend to think I was anything but devoted. Then they started happening more regularly, and when I woke up (on occasions we were together) I couldn’t look at him. I decided to talk to him about it, and he’s been nothing but supportive. I have a dark history with sex dreams (stemming from something that took place in my childhood), so they’ve never been good, but these are really hitting me hard. Their persistence is making me doubt my own happiness, and the strength of our relationship, neither of which I want to do. I know you aren’t a dream psychic, but is there anything I can do to make it stop? It’s driving me insane and making it hard to be the girlfriend I want to be.
Thanks, because I wish I was,