Hi Dr. NerdLove—
So I’m a 20 year old college student who until recently had zero experience with women. After the end of classes, I went out to a bar with some friends, mainly just to be social (I’m not a big bar guy). I was already pretty drunk from an earlier party, and one thing led to another, and I ended up first chatting with this girl, then dancing with her, and then going home with her. This was pretty exciting. Anyway, we get to her place, and as it happens, once we’re both naked and making out, I can’t get an erection. I’m enough of a biology nerd not to be bothered by this— I was very drunk, and alcohol acts as a circulatory depressant— and I was more than happy to have gotten so far in my first ever experience with a girl. Anyway, I’m a 20 year old guy— I have no worries about my ability to get erection under non extremely, extremely drunk circumstances.
The worry I have is that the girl I was with began pouting, and saying how she was sorry she didn’t excite me, and just acting like she was at fault. I tried to reassure her that it absolutely had nothing to do with her, but as I say, I was very drunk, and not at my most persuasive. I like this girl just as a person, and even though I probably won’t sleep with her again, I’m really worried that she is getting the totally wrong idea— that she was failing to arouse me— when in fact, she couldn’t have possibly been sexier. I’m really bad at this emotional stuff, and I hate the idea that I’ve inadvertently made her feel bad for what was just a fact of biology. What should I do in this circumstance?
— Irrationally Afraid of Upsetting People