I’m going to start by saying I think you writing is just great, you bring knowledge PUA yet at same time temper it with real sensitivity and respect for women. Your article ‘Creep Week – How to reform creeper’ resonated with me deeply and I’ll think you’ll see why once I share the story of a recent screw up I made. And, boy did I screw up. Over the past decade I have been, nearly all the time in long term relationships. At the very start of each these relationships I did something for the girl in question, which had always been appreciated and enjoyed by them. I would write a short story – erotic fiction – that would feature both of us and be explicit but nothing too kinky. This would invariable take the relationship to a sexual place very quickly nearly every time.
My last girlfriend (of ~3 years) was a sexually liberated woman who put me in touch with my dominant side. She would often encourage me to be more extreme in bed especially in the things I would say to her. She ended the relationship about 2 months ago.
I joined tinder and started dating again about 3 weeks ago.
I met a very attractive girl, who gave me her no, we texted each other for a while and she asked me to connect on facebook with her. When I asked her on a date seemed genuinely excited at my proposition. The first date went about as well as you could expect, we had a meal, talked for hours and kissed at the ended, arranging to met a few days later for lunch.
Lunch date went well and she invited me over to her place Tuesday the following week, and I said I would cook for her. And this is where I made the 1st big mistake. Yes, you guessed it, I went her wrote an erotic fiction short story. I asked for her email address saying that I had written something for her that would be unsuitable for work. I sent it.
She texted back saying that it was weird and she didn’t want to see me again and unfriended me on facebook.
I tried to apologize by email but guess I had not fully realized the distress I had caused this girl, or was apologizing for the wrong reasons. She replied to the email saying i was a creep and a pervert. She told me what I had written was an ’emotional invasion of privacy of such a personal nature’. She said if I came near her or tried to contact her again she would have up on a sexual harassment charge.
It was only once I read that I completely understood what I had done.
I had completely and utterly, rode rough-shod over this girl’s boundaries and committed a criminal act in the process.
Lessons I learned from this:
Never, ever again will I send a girl erotic fiction unless I have their expressed permission to send them explicit written material.
Slow the hell down and learn to chill.
My questions to you doc are:
- I am broken? Is my inability to recognize and respect this girl’s very basic and obvious boundaries a sign that I should seek professional help? Bear I mind that I not been called or acted like (I think) a creep in over a decade.
- I know I should not use excuses for my behavior but do you think I could have been carrying around behavior I had learned from my last long term relationship, which was deeply sexual in nature?
- Should I not date for a while, get myself off tinder and just spend some time by myself? I still feel a desire for intimacy in my life and I miss the emotional and physical connection of being with someone. I am currently dating, in contact with a few women, nothing serious yet though.
- How can I be more aware of a woman’s boundaries so I don’t push past them again and balance that with the dominant sexual side of my personality that has been awoken by my last relationship?
Or is that dominant side the source of my new creepiness and something I should be seeking to rid myself of?