How Do You Know She Wants You To Kiss Her?
Now you’re asking the right question. Knowing how to tell when she’s interested in your kissing her is how you make the moment happen.
So what do you look for?
Her Body Language
How does she respond to you physically? Is she leaning in to catch every word? Is she staying close to you, even hugging your arm and snuggled up to you as you’re walking together? Is she making a point to close the gap between “personal space” (approximately 2 to 4 feet) to “intimate space” (around 18 inches or so)?
How much touching is she doing? It’s one thing if it’s an occasional touch on the arm. It’s another if, say, she’s pressing her thigh up against yours while you’re sitting together, or if she’s touching you and letting her hand stay. Where is she touching you? A touch on the upper arm is considerably less intimate than one on the forearm, and which is less than touching your hand.
If you hug her, are you getting the A-Frame hug – all upper body leaning in – or the full body? Is she lingering on the hug or not?
If she’s interested in being kissed, she’s going to be calling attention to her mouth. She may bite her lip or lick them, especially if you’re moving into close proximity.
The Triangle Gaze
This is one of the best, surest signs out there for when someone’s interested in being kissed. She will perform what’s known as the triangle gaze – looking from one eye to the other, then down to your lips, then back up to your eyes. Just as someone who is interested in being kissed will call attention to her own lips, she will also be paying attention to yours.
So What Do You Do?
Generally, I’m a fan of just closing the distance and kissing her. Sometimes there’s a one-finger stroke of the cheek, sometimes touching the chin. A general, all-purpose method that I endorse is the hug-to-kiss: at an appropriate emotional high-point – she’s made a joke, one of you just bowled a strike, you just finished dancing to an awesome song, something – pull her in for a hug. Pause, look her in the eyes for a second – watch for the triangle gaze! – and move in slowly for the kiss.
By the by: I always advocate moving slowly for the first kiss. First, there are few things sexier than anticipation and the build-up to a first kiss is positively delicious. Secondly, it gives her plenty of time to respond; if she doesn’t want you to kiss her she’s got ample time to give you the cheek or to wave you off.
Now, having said that, there are a number of ways of working up to the kiss if you’re not necessarily comfortable with making a move – yet still don’t want to flat-out ask. One technique I’ve had success with is the “I’m trying not to kiss you right now.” Again, at an appropriate emotional high-point – and you want to make the move for that first kiss at a high-point -move in close (in a manner congruent to the situation; you don’t just want to do the Pepe Le Pew pounce or the creeper sidle) pause, look her in the eye and say “You know, I’m trying so hard not to kiss you right now,” and gauge her response. If you get a negative reaction: she flinches, turns her head or tells you flat out “try harder” (all of which I’ve had happen), smile, pull back, change the subject, move on to something else.
Others I know have had success in pointing to their own cheek, essentially asking for a kiss from her. Asking for a kiss on the cheek can be playful and is generally fairly low-investment for her, which means a) she’s more likely to actually kiss you and b) if she doesn’t want to kiss you, she’s far less likely to be offended and it’s much easier for her to say “no” without worrying about your reaction. When she does kiss you, you can use it to gauge how to proceed by the kiss. If it’s a quick, friendly kiss, odds are she’s not quite ready – better to wait a bit longer. If it’s friendly but she leaves her face close – or it’s a decidedly more-than-friendly kiss… well, you’ve got your invitation right there, don’t you?
Pro Tip: If you use the cheek-kiss technique do not pull the “swivel your head and get a kiss on the lips”. It takes a very specific, very well socially calibrated personality type to pull that off and in all likelyhood that ain’t you. Everybody else just looks like a dipshit for trying.
End the kiss first but not too quickly. You want to let the tension build, not stay in to the point that she’s getting uncomfortable, but you also don’t want your first kiss to be a quick dry peck on the lips. Let it linger for just a moment, then pull back. Trust me, if she’s into it, she’ll be kissing you back.
Also: as a general rule, unless she’s been giving you unmistakable signs of sexual interest – that is, to the level of running her hands down the front of your pants – no tongue on the first kiss. Let the excitement build rather than going for the gold on the first try.
What If It All Goes Wrong?
Now a number of you will be busy war-gaming every single way things could go horribly horribly wrong, from garlic breath to getting cheeked to getting slapped and culminating with being arrested by the cops as your house catches on fire.
Calm down. Take a deep breath. And chill the fuck out.
First of all: always carry a pack of gum with you on a date. A little gum – offer her a piece too – helps mitigate any “oh god, what about my breath?” moments. Yes, it will probably signal to her that you’re thinking of kissing her in the near future. That’s ok, I’m fairly certain that she figured that part out when you asked her out on a date in the first place.
Second: Unless you try to actually maul her, the worst that you can expect is to get cheeked or the wave-off. This is not a big deal. It doesn’t mean that the date is ruined or that she hates you. You can recover from this: step back, give a genuine smile, apologize and move on. Don’t treat it like a big deal; just say “Sorry, guess I saw the wrong signals,” and then change the subject. Acting like a grown-up – not making a fuss, arguing about what you thought she was interested in or dwelling on the fact that she didn’t want you to kiss her – can make all the difference between “not yet” and “not ever”.
Kiss The Girl
Look, this isn’t rocket science and trying to read a woman’s signals isn’t the Voynich Manuscript. She’s made a point of dressing up to look nice for you and has been spending most of her evening with you. She’s been laughing at your jokes, enjoying your company and hasn’t been checking her phone for the “emergency” text or eyeing the clock. She’s having a good time. She’s really starting to like you.
So get over there and kiss her already!