(Doctor’s Note: We’re talking about porn and sex work today. While I know that these can be divisive issues, I’m warning everyone now: I’m not going to tolerate any sort of slut-shaming in the comments. If you need to denigrate either the letter-writer or others, feel free to do so somewhere else, because it’s not welcome here.)
Dear Dr NerdLove:
I got married recently to my husband (whom I’ve known for two years), but I cannot tell him a dark shameful secret from ten years ago when I was a college student. None of my friends know my biggest mistake and regret, there is no one to talk to.
I was an immature and impulsive girl back then, who had a fascination with the porn industry. I took part in four hardcore solo photo and videoshoots for a large porn website which is still running today. A Google search can easily return the photographs. They were NOT classy Suicidegirl images… they were degrading and shameful.
Telling my husband is not an option as he is traditional and would be irrevocably hurt. I am aware that I should have told him at the start of our relationship, but sadly that time has passed.
I fear that one of his friends or colleagues will accidentally recognise my photos online and tell him. It gives me a sinking black hole in the pit of my stomach, but I don’t think there is anything I can do. I asked the site owner but he will not delete them.
Should I just go on with life and hope that the worst will never happen? I do not want to tell him unnecessarily if he will never find out. Perhaps it is inevitable that my past will catch up.
I am now also a senior teacher and would accept the consequences of losing my job, but could not bear to lose the trust and respect of my husband.
Thank you for your time,
Ticking Time Bomb