Online Dating Archives

How To Troubleshoot Online Dating

November 17, 2014 by Dr. NerdLove 461 Comments

For many people, online dating is a godsend – especially if you’re the sort of person who hates trying to meet people on the bar and club scene. It offers you the chance to be as specific as you want to be in your search for for potential partners. Sites exist for every permutation of relationship you may want – eHarmony for marriage, Match and OKCupid for something less serious, Tinder in case you want to treat sex like ordering a pizza.

I'm still amazed that there're sites that also offer "Cover Your Cheating Ass" services. SNL predicted the future... — Ashley Madison for “Want to meet someone you don’t have to lie to about how you will eventually leave your wife…” moments

Unfortunately for many men it’s less of a gift and more of a venue where they can be rejected even more efficiently. It’s understandably frustrating when you feel like you’ve been sending out message after message, right-swipe after right-swipe and only getting echoing silence in return. It’s natural to feel like everything is stacked against you and you’re not getting your fair shake. But if you want to find online dating success, then you have two choices: rant about how unfair it all is or try to fix things.

Here’s how to fix your online dating experience.

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Leveling Up: Look Good In Photos

June 23, 2014 by Dr. NerdLove 46 Comments

Do you hate photos of yourself? Well, you’re not alone. Lots of guys hate how they look in photos. God knows I do. I can count the number of photos of myself that I like on the fingers of one hand, and most of those were taken professionally. Most of us would love to look good in photos, just out of sheer vanity. But as we live more and more of our lives online, those photos of us often are part of how people get to know us. A good-looking online dating profile photo is critical – it’s one of the snap-judgements that people make when they’re browsing through all of their potential matches. More and more employers are looking at prospective employee’s social media profiles to gauge whether they’re interested in hiring them or not… and that includes the photos of you on your LinkedIn profile. It’s all about understanding how to present yourself. Knowing how to look good in a photo will directly affect how people see you. To give an example that’s been trending on Facebook and Twitter lately: Jeremy Meeks. He’s a convicted felon with a long list of violent crimes in his rap sheet including weapons charges, grand larceny, assault and battery and a host of other crimes. But goddamn he takes a good photo:

Why are so many women apparently willing to overlook his incredibly violent past and history of incarceration? Because of that psychological phenomenon known as the Halo Effect – looking good means that people will more readily apply positive beliefs and attributes to you, despite the reality of the situation. But looking good in photos isn’t just about having perfect genes and cheekbones that could cut glass. Despite what we may believe, the camera doesn’t record reality perfectly.

Anyone know who drew this originally? — Credit: OwlyGem

Not only are you trying to render a 3D figure in 2D space – which is going to skew proportions – but you’re doing so through a series of refractive lenses and mirrors which introduce distortions. The list of things that affect how you appear in photos – ranging from the type of camera and lens to the lighting to the angle that you’re facing – is immense. And even little things like wearing sunglasses can affect how people respond to you. Knowing how to look good in photos is a skill, not just the benefit of winning the genetic lottery. And when you understand a few tricks (and some common mistakes) you too can have the sort of dating profile photo that has people flocking to your inbox. [Read more…]

How To Hack OKCupid

January 27, 2014 by Dr. NerdLove 413 Comments

One of the more popular news stories being shared around the web this week has been the story of how Chris McKinlay, a mathematics PhD candidate “hacked” OKCupid in order to find love. Naturally, this inspired both wonder – OMG, nerds can break the code and get laid! – and misaimed anger by people who seem to believe that McKinlay was doing something fiendish and underhanded, a digital pick-up artist who dehumanized women by trying to reduce seduction into numbers and becoming an online Svengali.

"MissUTexas_1985, you will be powerless before my 1337 hacking 5killz!" — “MissUTexas_1985, you shall kneel before z0d_rUlez!”

The truth however, was much more prosaic. McKinlay did what many nerds have done before: he attempted to solve a problem by taking his strengths – research, coding and statistical sampling – and applying them to the task at hand. Rather than finding some ruthless exploit in the human psyche that was somehow vulnerable to math, he was, put simply, attempting to moneyball online dating.

Of course, McKinlay is hardly the first person to attempt to make the system work for him… or even to apply it successfully. Amy Webb, a digital strategist with Webbmedia Group employed a similar strategy of data mining, mathematical analysis and matchmaking algorithms to solve her own love issues.

And you can do it as well. You may not be a brilliant mathematician able to write custom code to seek out your perfect – or near perfect – match… but you can definitely crack the code and make OKCupid dance to your tune, giving you more success in online dating than you’ve ever had before.

[Read more…]

The Trouble With Online Dating

December 30, 2013 by Dr. NerdLove

I’m going to tell you something that you already know: dating is a frustrating process of trial and error. For a lot of people, it’s a seemingly never-ending dance of missed connections, nights you’ll never get back again and wondering just what’s wrong with you and why everybody else seems to have it so much easier.

Even for people like me who enjoy the whole dance and the chase and the thrill of the new, there will be points when you really just want to take a step back from it for a while and catch your breath and let your ego recover from the beatings that tend to come with it.

"Hey man, i want to get laid as badly as you do, but do you think maybe we could spend a night NOT getting rejected over and over again?" — “Hey man, i want to get laid as badly as you do, but do you think maybe we could spend a night NOT getting rejected over and over again?”

Online dating is often touted as the solution to dating frustration. Screen your dates in advance! You only have to deal with people who meet your standards! Take all the time you need to craft the perfect dating message!

Of course, in practice… it’s a different story. In fact, for many people, online dating is such a trial that they give up early on. But just as when you’re trying to meet your future snugglebunny the old-fashioned way1, it’s important to understand the potential headaches that come with those marathon OKCupid sessions. Many of the things that drive people away from online dating can be headed off at the pass with some preparation.

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via arranged marriage! None more traditional! [↩]

How to Suck At Online Dating

September 2, 2013 by Dr. NerdLove 271 Comments

“I’d forgotten just how much of a feeding frenzy online dating is,” sighed my friend Emma. She’d just broken up with her boyfriend and had reactivated her OKCupid account. Evidently the emails started rolling in almost as soon as she’d clicked “confirm”.

Well, if you're going to chum the water, you have nobody to blame when the sharks show up... — Well, if you’re going to chum the water, you have nobody to blame when the sharks show up…

I’d been helping her fine-tune her profile and I’d had an opportunity to see some of the winners come in. There’s nothing like seeing “Can I cum on your tits?” as the first line on an email from a complete stranger to remind you that maybe online dating isn’t the cornucopia for women that a lot of people think it is.

“Seriously, you’d think that some of these guys would’ve waited long enough to actually pretend that they’ve read my profile.” She rolled her eyes; this had been a long running complaint since the last time she’d attempted online dating. As it was, she was trying to adjust the quality of interest by systematically weeding out all of the apparent creeper-bait from her profile; she’d had to switch from “bi” to “straight” when the only responses she’d gotten were from guys. “At least this time I’m not getting deluged in offers from older guys and couples who’re looking for a third.”

Being able to experience online dating from a woman’s perspective – if at one step removed – is something of an eye-opener to just how many guys seem determined to make sex vanish into thin air. For every guy who complains about the number of emails he sends into the void with no response, there are ten women who’re getting two dozen from dudes who make their skin crawl… and ironically, it would be so easy to stand out from the pack.

Let’s look at some of the ways you can suck at online dating.

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