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3) Watch Her Body Language
The body offers many clues to how a person really feels, and women are well-acquainted with the use of sending messages via her body language. Everything from the way she plays with her hair to the way that she angles her body and the tilt of her hips can tell you whether she likes you or if she’s just being polite.
Wait, what?
Much of human communication is non-verbal; we communicate far more via body language that most people realize and some of the indicators of interest can be easy to miss.
Many of the classic signs that a woman likes you are what is known as “preening behavior”; gestures that suggest grooming or adjusting her posture and look in order to seem more attractive. This includes the classic “hair toss” or playing with her hair, straightening out her posture to better display her breasts to better advantage. In men, similar behavior would involve smoothing out his clothing, adjusting his tie, standing up straighter and sucking in his gut. She’ll often draw attention to her lips, wetting them or biting them; besides inspiring men to think about kissing, this is a reminder of her femininity. Fuller lips – especially in contrast to male lips – are a secondary sexual characteristic and a visual reminder of femininity.
Another sign of interest is self-touching; a woman slowly touching her own body, especially areas such as the thigh, ankles or neck, inspires men to imagine that they are doing just that, while self-touching at the chest or neck level draws the attention to the neckline and to her breasts. The process sends signals to men basically saying “Hey, you might be able to do this yourself if you’re careful.” It’s worth noting that many women are aware of the effect that it has on men and some will do it quite deliberately.
Watch for mirroring, where a woman will copy your body-language. Part of how humans relate to each other is to copy the other’s body language; it’s a way of ingratiating ourselves to another person, making them feel more at ease. It’s also a way of indicating interest. When you find the woman you are talking to is starting to adopt your posture and gesturing similarly to you, you have a strong signal that she likes you.
More importantly, however, is the act of pointing and body orientation. Humans are driven and goal-focused; as a result, we will unconsciously point ourselves towards the things we want, especially our feet. A woman who is interested in a man will orient her body towards him, effectively pointing at him with her legs and knees (if seated) or her feet. Pointing away from him is a bad sign; it’s an indication that she’s strongly considering getting up and leaving.
Focusing on any one activity – such as playing with her hair – risks missing the forest for the trees, however. A woman playing with her hair may be signaling that she’s interested in you… or she may just have a nervous habit. Don’t put too much importance on a single gesture or activity and look at the full range of body language to help guage her interest.
4) Watch For Proximity
As I have said: women are socialized to believe that being to direct or overt in her interest is being “slutty” and a mark of shame even in our more liberated society. So instead of directly approaching you, a woman who likes you will often hover around, using proximity as a means of letting you know she’s interested.
Wait, What?
This behavior is incredibly easy to miss, because guys aren’t used to looking for it. A woman who likes you will often find excuses to be in your immediate proximity. She will make several trips past you for apparently no reason. She will squeeze past you, even when there is plenty of room to move freely. You may look around and notice her hanging in your peripheral vision. She may find reasons to invade your personal space briefly before sliding away again. Unless you’re aware of this phenomena, it’s easy to mistake it for simple coincidence and assume that it means nothing.
As with body language, don’t over-invest any particular moment of proximity with meaning. Obviously, if you’re in a crowded party or bar or she has to squeeze past a clump of people in order to get to the bathroom, her proximity has an entirely different meaning than a woman who’s hovering around you for no particular reason.
Just remember: once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is someone sending you a message1.
PRO TIP: Yes, I’ve stated before that guys should beware of hovering around women they like. Men who use proximity come off as creepy. Women, on the other hand, use proximity as a tool. Yes, it’s a societal double standard. Accept it and move on.
5) She’s A Tease
A woman who’s interested in a guy will often give him a little shit. She may make fun of his hair, joke about his girlfriends or tell him that he just made the most awkward pass ever and he should be embarrassed to have done it in the first place… but she’ll do it with a smile.
Wait, What?
Some behaviors never change as we get older; teasing the people we like is one of them. Just like guys, women will use teasing as a way to flirt. Teasing is, as I have said, a way of saying something mean while really saying “I like you”. It’s silly and playful and it’s intended in the spirit of fun. Wit and humor are incredibly attractive traits, and women appreciate a man who can banter with them.
Teasing is also a good way to gauge a guy’s social intuition. In many ways, teasing can be a shit test; too many nice guys will take teasing from a woman and become flustered, while guys who are socially uncalibrated will either miss the playful aspect and assume they’re actually being insulted or come back too strongly. Women aren’t attracted to men who will let her walk all over them, nor do they want men who can’t understand the difference between teasing and a genuine insult. A tease can also be a gentle way of letting the air out of someone who’s coming on too strong without rejecting them entirely; by pricking their ego a little, a woman can let a guy know he’s acting ridiculous and that if he doesn’t change his behavior, she’s going to find her attraction draining away.
As with guys, the key factor to flirty teasing as a sign that she likes you is the smile. Teasing is intended to be fun and endearing. If you can’t hear the smile in her voice when she makes fun of your shoes, she’s not indicating that she likes you, she’s telling you to step off.
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