(yes, I stole the title from South Park. I’m on vacation, sue me.)
Dear Doctor:
I am a nerd, but not the usual kind – theater nerd/geek. I am dating and in love with a guy who is a master at Dungeons and Dragons and loves it. He hasn’t played it in a while, but has this one story that was never finished, it’s the last one of his trilogy. He also loves magic the gathering. My question is since I don’t know anything about DND or magic the gathering, should I try to learn about it to have that in common or should I just leave it as his “thing” ? And we already are theater nerds/geeks together too.
What, showing an interest in his passions, even trying to learn how to play them yourself? What a horrible idea! I mean, God knows what could happen… why, you could find yourselves playing games together, cementing emotional bonds and enjoying a newfound sense of closeness and bonding! Quelle horreur!
(Also: I want all of you to appreciate how much effort it’s taking not to forward this to Alyssa Bereznack saying “SEE? SEE? THIS IS WHAT GOOD GIRLFRIEND MATERIAL LOOKS LIKE!” )
In all seriousness, I’m fairly certain he’d be flattered and thrilled that you’re interested in learning about gaming. I’ve known plenty of geeky couples who game together; it’s a part of their relationship and part of how they spend time together. As long as he doesn’t have any strange hang-ups about needing something “just for him”, I can’t see this as being a bad thing at all.
Talk to him about gaming; find out what he likes about it and tell him that you’re interested in trying it. Maybe he’ll want to find a new gaming group.
My only caution is that you may want to learn about it from someone besides your boyfriend. Sometimes enthusiasts don’t necessarily make the greatest of instructors… ask anyone computer-literate who has to coach their parents through fixing their computers.
Dear Dr Nerdlove,
I have a problem, a while back my ex girlfriend broke up with me this isn’t so much the problem my main problem is that she is constantly texting me and trying to get my attention at school I’ve been ignoring her to great effect but I screwed up and wrote a comment on one of her face book post’s and the next thing I know I got a text saying that I can’t take a hint and I should stop talking to her, I wrote back telling her to go fuck herself explaining how I’ve been trying to ignore her and if there’s anyone telling some one to stop talking it’s me she then proceeded to tell me I needed a councilor and that was the end what did I do wrong if anything?
There ain’t no whore like an attention whore, my friend and that’s exactly what your ex is.
Your ex is playing head games with you; she doesn’t want to date you but she wants your attention. This way, in her twisted little mind, she can be the aggrieved party who suffers nobly while her ex “stalks her” and her friends cluck in sympathy and offer her love and support in this trying time she is surely going through.
You made only one mistake (not counting accidentally posting a comment on her page): explaining yourself. By trying to justify what you did and explaining that you were ignoring her, you were playing into her hands. You didn’t do anything wrong, but trying to explain what happened makes you look as though you did; she gets to play the victim, cast you as the villain and swan about moaning about how put-upon she is with the added benefit of getting the last word in.
This is one more reason why I always recommend taking the Nuclear Option when you break up with someone; it cuts down on the post-breakup drama nicely.
As for the rest… anything you do is just going to be further “evidence” of how you’re doing her wrong. The only way to win this game is not to play. Ignore her, block her number, block her on facebook, put on a copy of the Mr. T Experience’s “My New Girlfriend Is Better Than You” and forget she exists.