There’s a lot of anxiety surrounding being a virgin. We live in a society that has a notable double-standard on sexuality, especially where virginity is concerned; male virgins (past a certain age) are seen as being immature, incomplete man-children, utter losers who can’t get a woman1. A woman who is a virgin is a vision of innocence and purity… at least until she gets past her early twenties, at which point she’s clearly repressed or otherwise has something wrong with her. Small wonder that being a virgin can be such a source of angst to men and women. One of the issues that I have seen come up over and over again whenever someone mentions being a virgin is the idea that being a virgin is inherently a mark against you; that, by being a virgin at the advanced age of 20, 30, 40, whatever , that not only is there something that makes you undesirable (some ill-defined je ne se quois that apparently others can sense, the way dogs and bees sense fear) but that revealing you’re a virgin will ensure that you will be passed up by others because you lack the experience to provide the mind-blowing sex that we all expect from relative strangers.
Except… being a virgin doesn’t necessarily equal bad sex. In fact, with a little preparation, a virgin can actually be better prepared for sex than many of his or her more precocious peers. Surprise!
- and it’s always a woman; the unstated assumption is that a gay man won’t have any trouble at all… [↩]