If there’s one hard and fast truth in life as you’re striving to get better with women it’s this: the hotter the girl is, the more guys she’s going to have in her life.
It’s not terribly surprising. If you’re attracted to her, there will almost certainly be other guys into her as well… and you’ll have to deal with them. Sorry.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that these men are your competition; they’re obstacles on the path to what you want to be sure, but the automatic assumption that you need to blow them out or show them up is rarely the correct one. Coming in with an antagonistic attitude is going to poison your entire interaction and make you look like the jerk.
In fact, when handled correctly, those other guys can be the best ally you have.
Whether she’s the popular girl in class or the cute girl at the corner of the bar, you’re going to have to finesse the guys in her life .
The thing you need to understand: the hotter the girl, the more men she’s going to have in her life. She’ll have suitors, orbiters, gatekeepers, and these are all potential cockblocks for you. It’s important to keep in mind the concept of social pressure: the collective agreement to behave in a particular way in social situations. If you go blundering around, you will feel the social pressure working against you and killing any momentum you have.
If you just roll up on a girl hanging with her friends, the guys will instinctively bunch up to keep you out; after all the last thing they need is more competition for her attention. Just remember that she has the ultimate control. If you want to defuse their potential to shut down your approach immediately, you want to establish the relationships in the group.
After you’ve introduced yourself, always ask “So, how do you guys know each other?” Then, pay attention to her responses. Guys, especially orbiters, will try to intimate that they’re “together” with the girl or give off a vibe of “I was here first, back off.” The girl, however, will ultimately define the relationships. When she says “Oh, we go to class together,” or “Oh, we’re just friends,” or even “Oh, we just met five minutes ago,” it removes the guy’s authority (for lack of a better word) and makes them look a little ridiculous besides. Suddenly, their ability to claim the girl as their own is diminished; they may still be acting as the cockblock, but the social contract now defines their actions… and trying to wave you off is asshole behavior. It also reaffirms the guy’s status as a non-sexual companion, removing him from the threat matrix while leaving your status open and undefined. Social pressure is your friend here, and it can be used to your advantage.
(Plus, you don’t want to be hitting on a girl when her boyfriend’s there with her – and if he’s there, it’s a safe bet that he really is her boyfriend.)
This works whether you’re talking to the hot girl you see at the bar with her friends or the one you notice hanging out on the quad every Tuesday and Thursday after lunch. Always establish the relationships.
Befriend Them, Then Flip Them.
It seems almost counter-intuitive, doesn’t it? Make friends with the guys who would otherwise be keeping you away from the girl of your dreams?
You see, the guys you assume are the barrier can be your best friends when it comes to getting the girls. Establishing yourself as a cool guy will reset them from being an obstacle to an ally; if you play it right, they’ll actually help you get with the girl… even if they don’t recognize that’s what they’re doing.
You see, you’re trying to insert yourself into a group of pre-existing relationships, and at the start, they have no reason to want to include you. Everyone in that group has perceived social value to the others while you have none. Being funny, having what’s known as social proof – the state of convincing others that your behavior is correct, causing them to conform to you… these can provide the social value that you want, but it isn’t as powerful as having your value confirmed by someone the girl trusts. If you can befriend the guys in the group, they will become your ticket in. When you befriend them, they now will vouch for you being a cool guy, which sends your social value through the roof and firmly establishes you as someone that the girl should get to know.
In addition, making friends with the guys can turn them into impromptu wingmen. Before, you’re coming in alone; if her female friends start to feel jealous about the attention that they’re not getting or the other guys are feeling threatened by your presence, you have no allies. Your only recourse is your ability to distract them, reassure them and then try to plow through before they can kill your interaction. Befriend the guys and then suddenly you have people on your side, guys who will instinctively stand up for you and help keep the obstacles occupied while you’re talking with the girl.
So how do you befriend the guys? To start with, you need to engage them. Too many guys will attempt to ignore a girl’s guy friends and focus all of their attention on her. Instead, you want to make sure that you treat the group as a unified whole; you need to spread your attention around, rather than spending all of your time trying to keep the girl’s interest. Don’t be afraid of physical interaction; if a guy says something funny, clap him on the shoulder or give him a fist-bump. Ask the guys for their opinions on subjects or bring up subjects that you know that they can relate to; remember that the three nigh-universal guy subjects are sports, girls and money. If you can hold forth on these subjects, you’ll have a leg up on making the men in her life your ally.
Hell, even if ultimately you don’t get with the girl, you may have made some cool friends, and you can always use more cool friends.